Skunkville Saga Rumination

Unusual adventures & awkward situations & miscommunications seem to plague and/or delight an elderly couple who seem to know how to roll with the punches

The later lives of iconic residents in a nondescript American town. This blog novel currently has 2 MILLION words served up as 2,000 nail-biting quick-reading hard-laffing episodes, its 2,000,000 words more than ANY OTHER easily-obtainable novel. KIRKUS REVIEWS (see review on Kirkus site) compares SKUNKVILLE to the works of literary geniuses James Joyce, Thomas Pynchon, and John Barth. SKV Has attracted ~110,000 reader visits to date just on Delphi, plus an equally large number of additional readers on a diversity of other sites now no longer relied on by Skunkville.
Jun-10

Blonde LInda& Brunette Jill Resurface!!

Yes, it's true.   The wild & wacky, man-craving  'girls'  (old-time Skunkvile readers will know them best as Blonde Linda & Brunette Jill!) , both now in 2017 -- showing telltale lines of wear & terror  re their slowly wrinkling faces & those little streaks of grey or white in their medium-length hair... 

But donut cut 'these girls'  short as common everday dime a dozen  'Marginal Marges'...  They have thrilled and/or amused  and/or frustated SKV readers, who are as we write this are shaking their heads at these relentless, too-'easy' men-chasers...desparate in spite of their good senses of humor and average+ looks...  Knowing that Money may bring happiness for a while but True Love is a stronger force  than lots of high-valued (at least currently) stocks and bonds....  And being man-crazy, they have proven incapable of holding a responsible job for long, since it is always clear to their peers that any job enthusiasm is simply feigned as just another ploy to make them seem attractive to male prospects, who usually favor industrious, carear-focused women over rabid, sometimes treacherous man-hunters! 

The girls apparently have never heard of wizend scientifficantly derived Proven Laws of Dating..... Such as 'the more you WANT and EXPECT  frum a relationship , the more you wil feel unsatiafied 'FRANKLY, WHAT A DISAPPOINTLEMENT MY GET-ON WITH FRANK HASBIN ....NOT THAT HE'S BEEN A TOTAL HAZMATBIN RATHER THAN A PROMISING STARPERFORMER....BUT RELATIONSHIP WORLD EXSPURT, GENERAL HOPELESSNESS recommends that on yer first date with a 'hot prospect' you reveal your three biggest shortcomings/weaknesses/disgusting traits.CANT go on lickthis!!!!!' and NEED boohoowoeisme (feel 'short-chainged' and be sour about yer TERRIBLE, DEVASTATING  DISAPPOINTLE MINTS) have enny rich or any fine & decent moderately well-heeled ones ether!!) 

Why, fur yeers the studio audience (as you probabibbly know, each & EVERY Skunkville episode is shot live & verbally recoreded in front of an enthusiastic (at least until the corny episode begins to unfolled with Linda & Jill bungholing their parts, and the male actors' sudden nervousness (now that they  realize that their scrypt can be thrown down the tube and its time for improbablivsation ONCE AGAIIIIIN!! ) and the reading & viewing audientses shake their heads, many scurrying back to (they will find) LOCKED BOCKS ORIFICES and 'Shaking Head' Herb, the technical directur handing out refund$ and free tickets to an upcoming live Skunkville performance, on the slim chants that it will still be in existance for anuther phew!! weaks....   

if they woodjust cool it and make sure tet the boozsie smelling staggering acteurs actually know their linds!!?!   

But the peephole still-loving & tearfully cheering the non-tipsy, always-sober but run-down always-smiling & waving if they have suffieient strength Browns...who sign autographs  
 Blonde Linda continues her tradition of being  the more portly but -- also the more bustacious of the forever-together twosome... 

(Jill: 'Lifetime pals simply 'cause no one else would ever hang with us formorethenalittlewhileuntiltheyfiguredusoutanddumped usasfastaspossible!!   

When we first arrivaled struggling up some normal girls' steep door steppes, many gurls (and even guys!)  whom we ended up mooching off said we could 'stay 'IAS LONG AS WE PLEASED!' so long as we left at the crap of dawn of the nextle day and never-ever-ever returned until at leased 52 weeks from THEN + 5 'safety or insurance weeks...and that the girls shood nut be supprized if the kindly guessets might be gone to Far-Away Parts Unknown if they ever attempted to return for repeaty vizits...  Plus, once they had allowed at least one of the girls (usurally Jill) to enter the house, one of the couple who sneak upstares to alert the police of the 'situation[alerted the police to be ready to close in on their house from all sides and angles if they ever called them to do so  ... This is despite the conflicto-fact that some of these gurls and their fams (ed: i.e., fams = families)  had signs postaled on their dooret that sed thet  their house wuz opeen fur aslong as needed for ENNY distressed member of the human female race, which of course is an entirely different race or species than the male human race..... Except those ever-so-rare com ultra-generous, female-respecticalling ones looking for a female pardner to share his wealth and ritzy lifestyle!  Guys with easily accessible mega$$$$$$$ regarterless ' they wished to share with an attractive woman, no difficult questions ask-ed!

By peephole loving, we are not labelling the elderly Browns as peepholepeeking-droolers, who would fanatically watch visitors of  the opposite or same species when those people being viewed  had good reason to believe the they were NOT BEING VIEWZELLED AND in complete privacy... In fact, neither Edna nor Walt has ever been a 'peeper' of any kind, Walt explaining:  'I learned early on, when I was just an innoscent li'l boy Ihat' peeking in strangers' windows usually leaves the peepers bored and disillusioned!  So I quickly switched to less dangerous entertainment since Peeping Walt found that it  killed my back to croutch down and  try to peep on people, who were generally doing things that were even more boring (like drilling wholes in a wall to get rid of holes)  i.e. watch them with great interest while the clothed, partially clothed, or unclothed person(s) -- the latter regarding whom I have wrenched  my back out, leaving me a bent over cripple in agony....surely a Message that peepholing of any type -- even peeping at pics of  naked or near-nekked  ladies in magazines -- can carry grave risks (like Edna smashing a heavy flower pot, loaded with a beautiful variety of fragrant lovelies and plenty of hard-packed dirt), onto my head when she noticed me nervously peering into a neighbores window one evening -- Leaving me in a Perry Coma for several days, to the amazement of the medical exspurts engaging 24/7 in non-stop singing of his complete song catalogue.... As the D.A.'s orifice filed a charge of attempted homicide against my poor wife Edna and also a charge of terribly aggrivating extremely loud  non-stop singing by me, of all Perry Comb-0 songs (i.e., Sargeant Pepper, that  then turbos midsong into 'A Little Bit of Salt' (...'will ne'er dry away the salty tears...presumably caused by Sg. Peppered)  were stored in my nerdy brane... 

Also, a phew! weeks later,  I was hit with a separate charge of de facto terrorism for the odd-smelling golden drool that kept pouring out of my moff due to my watching the Miss Super-Chesty Mid-America Con-Test while honestwagnerly trying to stop the drooling while I was still singing the song or whatheaver mentioned above... Causing a general alarm in Skunkville, as people raced to the scene where Skunkville Channel 50# was providing complete EYE WITLESS COVERADGE of my rapidly occurring de-evolution in publick...  Yes, the TV channel picked up all my insane babbling brook and unexplained explatives and groveling descent into the Skunkville that was profusing from my moufth as I watched with intensity a beauty contest for the crowning of the winner as Ohio's Miss Big & Beautiful Ones for 2016... Ironically, the woman who was daintily showing herself off from many angles & hangles on TV at that night was the one later named as the Queen, or victor of the contest who hailed from Flowerville, Ohio....   For the Browns, the peephole loving concept does not involve watching people when these people are unaware of being watched for the purpose of viewer excitement...  The Browns consider that to be a violation of their own integrity, a thing that they would NEVER deliberately do... including 'accidentally' (on purpose...) happening' to take a peep!! 

Walt concludes:  'No...I ain't no peepaholic nor am I ever gonna be, God Willin'when it comes to lovely women in clothing that complimints them, and highlights their special or outstanding features or landmarks.  But if I really got a bad urge to see a beautiful woman slightly revealing, I can always look at the fashion picksures and ads  of Edna's Conservative Woman Magazines for Mature Women, like The Ladles Homely Ajourn All!  But beware.... A good rule of thumb is that no body part other than the head, neck, arms, hands, feet, and knee cap should be shown in their entirety......with some reservations regarding full revelations some of these reliable old admirable womanly areas!!'  

 
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