'I've gotta gut feeling!'
Barrteby the Scrivener
THE Leading geniuses of 20th/21st Century
Dear Lord, please don't let this blog be misunderstood!
Edna and I don't receive much communication from our readers, that is if we ever have actually received any a'tall.... (Edna's shaking her head vigirishly, demanding that I do same)..... In truth, no one has ever written a message to us or contacted us in any whey, Dick Schapp or Farm -- in all our years of laboring to enable Skunkville to soopernovate itself, blanding even the lights of day, thuz re-electrocutying Skunkville into the most treasured annals or anshoals or anuses of civilization, an effart witch started in 2010.
We believe we understand our readers tepid, rapidly limpening, bilious (but there's not even any charge to read!!!) gut reaction, thar au naturel traipsedation: The hideous, Animal-like Eric Burden of guilt by association, to d'eclaire 'I fess up to clean my sole oncet and ferallet -- I hiv read (Skunksville, not jist oncet but.....I know that puts me on the very lowest rung on the evolution tot'em! pall (DEAD LAST) in reading taste (ugghhh!) and intellectual challenge (wut wuz 1 plessut 1 agint?? The ledder Aaett?? Are ye sure???
Experiences of Jane with one Dick towering above....just beneath the Madhattern Phone Die-Rectalory...I think I just thought somethin finerly....therefore I yam (albeit, not a person, more an albeit sweet potato head with an iQ of 2)....
SO while our reading audience is a complete and udder mystery to us, we who never have clutched paws or Frenchfrykissed or even spaken in tungsten with a single one of youse, we still figger as long as hundreds or occasionurinely thousands of folks are stopping or slopping by our congested blahggh! each week, we're doing something right or potentialdentionailly w$rthWild-- Orrrr then agin mebbe -- No! prebbebly NUT!!
There is sum fital faillatism, something hideously wrung, for conneisseurs - or is it kongosaurs.... in our blame-rained, amatoorly so-bad-it-may-possumably-beat mildly-goote once in a blue ball, e.g., our hairy full moon...Yes our Bobhopeless attempts to be professurinal yuck-truckers or scriveners, like Baretoeboy, of inventive waze of bearing mirthy.
By that I mean that the trends in readership seem to have little connection to Edna and my Gut Feeling about how 'goot' an episode's seams (the threads holding the story togather) seem to beet.... (Certainly, one of our fave -- and mebbe even yer fave -- songs is DEVO's 'Gut Feeling!') regarding the relative quality or, ass importante'ly?, the number of readers we trap into paying atten-hut! and perhaps even partaking in a bit or bite or a byte of our suspicious mental fleast.
Now, I say that, with my tongue hanging way out, to halp pant the picksure, there is alwaze the lead(led)-lag theory. That theerie whispers that Noel's (e.g., 'Xmas', i.e.Nowel's, with it sturting pearlier each yeer!) readership is a function of whut hazbeen written alreddy, i.e., people cum back repeatedly (to some reasonable limit) after occidentally being here for an especially good, tasty, refreshing (if such is possible for us) episoda, at least relative to our vast inventory (EVERY ITEM MUST GO BY GOOD FRIDAY!!) of 'weaker', 'atrocious', 'juvenile', 'unreadable', 'sick', 'abrasive', 'obscene' 'highly offensive', revolting' (latter usually a double-edged swxrd or double-headed dxldo) entries.
Now, we want our readers to be as circumspect and as anonymousey ('Mr. Mouse, NOT 'the 'Mick', if you pulease') as o'possumible... And we cornfess that we are just as skittle-ish about our own identities, knowing how many thousands of peepholes we may have offended, who feel unfairly verbally rear-ended by now.
But in our Akronymity, (prepare accordingly: 'suck-up time' is here and nowel) we don't want you to think that we don't have great respect and admiration for anyone with the refined intellect and taste to be able to reach the Nervy-Anna we are preparing for each and every one of youse... And where you of curse are always free to split the scene -- and not even leave it clean! Go 'head, just leavetamesse, we kin (in other wirds, we'll git our fambily's elderly retireeees to take care of the cleanip) TCB....Tune out, turn off, drop us at anytime, no strings, no tracer bugs, no sweat.....with our harpfelt (hear the harp's beautiful, luvving refrain?) good wishes and compliments regarding your fantesticle, refrined, 'hi-brau!' tasteckles!
Now if won ton or even twot of ye wood jist leeb a post or eben a pist bout wet we do rung and wet we if fanny'sthing we's duh rite we woofed sured mitie prescitate et... And ples bee as anynomouse as ye licket yer ticket!