Skunkville City Life Magazine $15/copy
Skunkville Lifestyles glossy $$$ mag
Skunk Beautiful Lifestyles
Spike Balls... 'Never invited into or allowed to enter our house in any way, shape, or misleading 'trick' form!, says Walt with Edna nodding...offf
'Anyone want to tell their Honest Abe where his laptop might be?'
Typical of the unending battle for exclusive rights to the Earth's Core and any spinoffs or developments, e.g., movies, tours, mining, luxury condos, taxation of residents
Walt, trying to enjoy the latest issue of Skunkville Style, an expensive-looking, glossy magazine, sent out free to Skunkville homeowners with ten or more years of continuous Skunkville residence... The publication highlighting the hottest destinations in town and the coolest couples/families on the Skunkville social larder... as well as providing the typically Victorious matchore, effluent sagment of the poopulace innumerable lacey, glossy, sexy, gassy, suckgestive ads for overpriced booze, formal diner or drive-in burger wear, home hardwear as well as hardecore items, etc., e.g., dildx & cxrnhxling ware & wear, wimp whxps & chain mail letters which would be of no interest to unimaginative oldtimers like the Browns who are living on Walt's tiny penxsion from a ball injury in the 19th century's Crimean War, which he fought in as a mercenary pacifist. 'Peace or Waret? See this Pacific FIZST?
A person who is an aunt mightle then aisk: 'So then watt's yer auntswear, tup to buttem?' 'Honestly, crazypeaceman, I sware on my aunts' wear they ware sweaters, skurts, presumably some undies, and Duran Durang their time o' the munth...a frowen.'
One article in the current January 1949-December 2017 issue notes: 'Skunkville does have a dubious underbelly of undistinguished long-term residents who came here during lean times and still live and spend as if The Great Depression was just 'round the corner... Ready to leap out and bite them again! Perhaps these folks should ship themselves down the road to Glunkville, Skunkville's spiritual opposite... Where they can take care of all their shopping at the shabby Glunkville General Store and lifestock Mini-Clinic.
Walt, gnarly in tiers: 'Who would have ever thought that this wuz going to happen to our humble Skunkleville? Sometimes I wishetted we -- I mean the town -- hadn't been quite so suckcesspfool and Progresso-ive.'
Edna, up to her elbows in dishwashing work, nods her agreement: 'Yes... And the new gentry are mostly newtcomers, head transplants... It may be only a matter ot time before the town makes it hard for us to be able to afford styling here in our sty, by neighborly standturds.... Thereby gitting writ o' us and the remaining old riff-raff and undesiraballs lick us: rolling us strait into the Cranky Willows Nursing Home and Mortuary...While we still cling on to our lifets like an unwanted boogie or snottem or nasal dingleberry dingling frem the town they oncet lovelled.'
Walt, astounded by Edna's Truth or Consciencequences: 'Well, they should realice that we two undesiraballs are still in play heret, and we may soon be going into an extended overtime on top of the regulation 4 score or seventy years that ancients like Abe Link-In and George Dishwasherington (decoding help provided by Future Site of Mid-Wheat Ohio Unidiversity, which will be built in part where the Brown's shabby home sweat home now stands -- 'or oncet stood').
Walt adds 'I mean as Central/Mainstream/Mainlining Ohioists may describble the current Tone Loc-ation of the amount of Skunkville rubble after the Devil Doll Enterprises plant finally leaves its mushroom cloud as a mammory in the neer Fewtchere, your Fewtchere, when Few may be left Here except for those in hut vulliages bilt a mile below the icetoplet, Global Cooling ice formations having driven most other humanoids whom iriginally haled from Ohio plus the subhumanoids who crashlanded here from Planet Mongo, plus the Earth's Core mole people, who had messed up Central Earth with their deadly war against the Mini-Men that hed begun to breed fir some reason in the armpits of the Earth's Core mole people, both the mole people and the Pit people hoping to synergisticklely escape the ever-increasing Vandella-ic heatwave to the snowy but sumtimes still bareable icejungles of Central America'.