The New Yanker Vol. 6 Iss. 9
One of the elderly ladies, still quite pretty, comments when this chart is shown: 'WOW!! Look at the FIGURE on that Poisson distribution... It reminds me of ME when I was a few decades yungert!!'
Are the Brown beans spilled feralltosee at Edna's Ordinary Order of Women (OOOW) meeting?
Beezillia makes still another forcefully de livered point
Dear Readers: 'First of all, I'm sorry about the first draft of this episode which I shouldn't have posted last night when my blood was so tired sincet I had fergetten to teck a few helfy swaags of me Gerathole. So then I got so carried away and derange-ed with puns and weird spellings of words and general silliness that I didn't realize some mistakes I had made that could be read as demeaning to certain people or groups...or were jest too edgy or of too dubrious ifnut flatout BAD taste. I was tired when I finished and didn't really read it with my brain out of hock to me seminility until this evening. I have now made extensitive revisiolents and deletionalizlations so that the storey now makes more cents and doesn't buck as manny sensiltivilties buy saying thingks that could appear lick blatant and pointillismlessly offensive dynamite. Rest insured, I'm 70 myself and have always tried to make Walt and Edna, as goofy as they may sometimes be, true American heroes in their own wacky way!'
Walt Brown, 71 next month
Walt, perusing his latest copy of the hip magazine The New Yanker as he relaxes in his recliner, Edna about to complain from the kitchen that he needs to put his shoesies back on or go teck a bath:
Walt's reply: 'Edna I just love this 'hi-bro!' swingler publiceducation, The New Yanker!', that yu've surfscriballed to poor mwa....
Edna, bustling from vocal derange into Wult's fizical spatialty with Piddles, their loverly/spirited/youthful female dacschund in her arms, the cute-and-knose-it doggie wrapped in towels after receiving a bubbular bathette thanks to Edna.
Edner, pleased that she has pleased Wal(le)t: 'Ooh... I THOT you'd probibably luv The Newd Yanker, my drear....If ownily fer the pickshures, since yer vision and the reading purt of yer brane ur so lamented. But then agint, you luv almos ennithan weather yer brane co-ogulates it ornut... If there were one thin I'da complaint 'but y'awl, it's that you claimb to luv almose everthin' in the black hole & wide hole Univesrtz!!... Ingluding even what You describe as the unique, 'metro-style', 'dashing, sophist-decatered Euro-hip, disarming, gaseous fashionings (i.e., furts in oardunary Englitch) of yer 'best 4-lagg-ed like-a-sun' for deckadents, Fiddelias Brouwnne (i.e., our dogpal Fiddles) ...
To the point of one of the gurls in arr triple-bridget club, namorly Mamma Bezillea Jessup, a ripper-rarian' 103 (tho' I thanks she stell luks quit a bet oldlier m'selfit) even rising the Q at the Elder Night...Namely, 'Duhhh....uh uh oh me oh my oh ma oh kayoh!.. Izzitt my Turnd to let one goat? I meens aschk a quisztler?......
Highly regirdled Bezillia corntinues: 'Wall howl abut thisset, gurleypoos......Whut abit thiz litest restarch thet sez thit domestic petmissions (i.e., 'futzies', 'air-anti-fresczzeners', 'poison penty letters') are moastily healfy '....In thet hellth-whizzled conzoooombers, who noted thet must of thar frens that hed pits that firted on a rectular basis were lunger-livid!! This led to an acturial univarsity studdy enploying th' Mayor Daley pracktissssues...... of Major Dailey pet emission seeeek & snuuurt!!! missions,,
Beezillia, so x-cited she pounds and helf-krusches the cart-tableau (i.e., 'card table' for any cornfusled reeders) arounded witch the 'gurls' set into halfet er less, their deck of curds flying to the four korners of the ruum.....To hardchoruses of laffs & 'Oh my gxxdnxxxesez! ...Then a lotta witch chicking 'n careful rizing and a lotta en messe 'So starry, but I Musket be Going ret-nows... But this wuz SOOOO infirmative to us lively, hypoallergeneticl older ne'er say dye gurls, who will stay au naturel to the better endl!!' .....Each separately staring at their wristle witches at oncet muraclulousely, sum of 'em stopped ded, but all in rabid disagreement regardlegs of supoosed time o' day.
Nonethelass,as the departing slowly commentses, on the theory that Fleghmina's sandardwrestwitch that sez the stroke of bidnight 'ven tho the sun seems to stull be sheining brighttlely... Bezilla corntinues her withering informational attracket....: 'Rither thin the old fishioned seek-spray-obliterererate thats are bah bah blahk shleep bad fer peepholes' lungers 'n wall-beings... Girls, youknowl in yer hart & whirs lift o' yer brin thet a spray izz reely a kind poisson dickstribution!! Yeez much bitter off within' yer bugs fer pals thin riskin' any kinder poisson distribution in yer house or upartlement or cave-in!'
What next? Meaningful Regularity in Life starts with an up-lofting dilly vizit to Skunkvilla... a place whar the acshun never sneezes...... to find out 'whuts huppunin' insteads o' heaven yer nabor spell th' Brown's beams on yuh!!