Lovely Piddles, in whom our canine hero Fiddles is becoming quite entranced
Fiddles has just met a lovely young dachshundessa named Piddles at a cocktail party at the Browns, and the two canine members of the party are now beginning to flirt a bit, much as humans do. In the back of Fiddles mind though, is the name 'Piddles'... meaning that the young lady dog might have a problem for some reason with incontinence: although why she would be named after this trait, given her stylish beauty, obvious intelligence, and savoir faire is another puzzle.
Walt pulls Fiddles aside for a second, to have a man to dog talk with him under the dining room table. 'Fids...stop obsessing about her name.... There has to be an explanation besides the obvious one for her nickname....! Just enjoy here company and find out about her name later... You've certainly had your various accidents over the years!!'
Fiddles, sarcastically: 'Gee, thanks a lot, Boss. I just want a clean girlfriend... One without any skeletons or surprises in her closet.'
Walt begins to get up off his knees, where they were pow-wowing under the buffet table, but Fiddles nips his baggy slacks and rotates his head to pull nearly 6 foot tall Walt....well, he is pretty bent over now... maybe 5 feet tall counting that....but if Edna could ever get him to straighten up his back,....It's that daxn recliner of his, she beleaves, that cheap thing has made him look pretty darn stooped! (Not realizing that Fiddles has declared the last few words outloud to the great surprise of the guests!)
Fiddles, a shxt-eating grin on his face, nods over towards Walt's high school friend, a fellow looking nearly mummified, in the far corner of the room, who has not moved or changed his facial expression one iota since the party began: 'Ask Ace Grimsley over there,' Walt suggests...'If I have really changed much since we were in High School back in the Civil Warm era, when Abe Lincoln was President, and used to even drive his Continental around Skunkville back in the good old days when men were men and girls were there to serve the men.... Well, not really... The truth was actually the opposite.... But there was a seeming appearance of the former...'
Fiddles, yawning: 'Former what? Former life form that man replaced in the Battle known as Evolution?'
Just then Piddles sidles up to Fiddles, actually making contact quite bit, apparently from the crowded area in which they stand.... Inhabited human shoes all around them like being in a Redwood Forest.
Piddles, touching her head against the person wearing white spike heels but whose head is 'miles' above them: 'Poor thing... Look at the strain on her ankle tendons... Too many cocktail parties and she may become a cripple...a high-heeled, well-heeled but still crippled cripple!'
Fiddles: 'So... you have never worn high heels yourself, Piddles? How wise of you!! But do your fashionista dachshund girlfriends look down on you?'
Piddles, her expression unreadable: 'No... Fortunately, all being about the same breed, we're all about the same height!'
Fiddles, moving himself very, dangerously close to Piddles: 'I want to be able to throw my body in your stead if one of these big-footed, heavy-shoed male axxholes doesn't respect your personal space. Just because we're short doesn't mean we're fair game to be accidentally on purpose stamped on or even squarshed....'
Piddles, shying a bit away from Fiddles with that... But then lurching back almost snout to snout when some clumsy or insensitive human nearly stomps on her tail...'
Fiddles: 'Look, I know that Walt felt that we two lovebirds might be the 'life of the party', but I forgot how wrong all his predictions are, especially the ones he makes with perfect confidence... I say let's you and I push open Edna and Walt's bedroom door with our noses, since it no longer is mechanically capable of latching shut, then slam it shut....quietly of course....and then barricade it with stuff we can drag over with our teeth.... Then hop on the bed and...'
Piddles: 'Hold it right there! I haven't been spayed yet... And I don't want to risk having to raise a family without some deep and tangible commitment from YOU!! as possibly the father.'
Fiddles considers arguing among all the trees (the cocktail party guests towering legs) but decides they might go so entangled in a disagreement that they might get stepped on because they were too distracted. 'Let's go to my parents lovebed and relax in there, sweetie!' Is his concluding thought. 'Before one of them thinks to close and lock the door in case we have any 'light-fingered' guests!'
Piddles for the moment stands her ground: 'But I hardly know you.... For all I know you could be a pervert of some type.... We canines have just as high an incidence as the corrupt humans do, you know!'
Fiddles..... is temporarily at a loss for words. But he knows that being naked is not very conducive to telling certain kinds of untruths!