Skunkville Saga

A quirky elderly Ohio couple & their two talking, married daschunds have many thrilling and bizarre but warm-hearted adventures.WITH HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF direct reader visits on Delphi. Networking + other sites have added MORE THAN 200,000 reader VISI

The later lives of iconic residents in a nondescript American town. This blog novel currently has 2 MILLION words served up as 2,000 nail-biting quick-reading hard-laffing episodes, its 2,000,000 words more than ANY OTHER easily-obtainable novel. KIRKUS REVIEWS (see review on Kirkus site) compares SKUNKVILLE to the works of literary geniuses James Joyce, Thomas Pynchon, and John Barth. SKV Has attracted ~110,000 reader visits to date just on Delphi, plus an equally large number of additional readers on a diversity of other sites now no longer relied on by Skunkville.
Feb-10

NUT-THING UNDER ATTACK? much more!!

WHITE CASTLE
WALT:  'Guys....Even for a special momento including Female Guys (lovely... but waitaMINIT  these swervy/curvey (WARNING: SHARP TURNS AHEAD!!))  mammerian spinoffs are not yer old-fashioned, standard-equipment-pecker derbi-focaled book-keeping hairy-chested Male Guys -- But are softer, more emotional peepholes essentially assuming the dress and the personality of the female gender OPPOSITE  to their male gender of birth.  To keep things symetrical, flatter-chestered females are lowering their voices  and  revealing much less in the dressing and  in these deliberately liberated times as guys that are dressing & looking & talking like females, with correspondingly female attitude ('Pro Football is the most barbaric of all sports...')  These handsome studs must initiate new rules emphasizing  gentleness, and tackling an opponent ONLY enough to softly trip him up!!  And their inverse: gals: pumping iron and dressing in male duds and only acting/dressing in their old feminine way in order to hold onto or acquire the kinds of jobs that have ordinarily been associated with due to their anemic 'weaker gender' 'rap'.  The New Female contingent werking hard at hiding  their 'special equipment' which of course can now  & usually soon will  actually be physically changed in our fabulous (?...guys with heads down, sobbing for the good old buxom days) high-technology era.   .....  I, Walt Brown, who fought like a Banshee or the ghost rider in the sky in the European Wars of the 19th century ...not sure even how he ended up in them as a strong, adventurous young man.. last memory drinking with some men who spoke seemingly educated gibberish in a bar near the wharf in NYC.... I've been watching the TV News & Blews (Blews - news stories about recent phenomona of great pubelick (excuse my misspelling...Miss Spelling wuz mine remedial spelling teacher and my primary LOVE interest asswell during this period of learning & yearning..... interest while you guys have been going deep into sum really important stuff about the variance that exists on our Plantit (Growing season is almulch here!!) aMungo female humans...Atomic particle-ularily how atomic particles near a rack of, or mebbe the particles THAT ARE THE SUBSTANCE OF  brand name Brazon Bras (also Brazon Brats Bras for 18s & uther late teens) that incline the hot shopper to make a further-hotness-enhancing bra choice.....  


SOLAR STABILITY COMMISSIONER #1, Jake Beaverheart Reporting from his Igloo just a few feet frum the only stretch of dry, arable land above the small but cheery cherry-farming town and headquarters of the Multi-Billion$  BRA-SEE!!-HER CUPANY....featuring major BRAnds of erections (yes, folks, bras need lick manny uther goods to be built frum the ground/chest up to pull mens' eyes off yer complexion or the runners in yer poorous flim-Z stockings ....Uther than that for wimin to neurotically obsess aboot,  there is more than just keeping the mans' chins up on your seemingly ready-to-launch chester!  If yur still cornfused liket mostall of usz-- CORNSIDER RUN AWAY FRUM U, CAWS YOUR DUAL CHEST FEATURES HAVE STARTED TO GROW BEYOND THE LIMITS OF YER 'ZIER'...CAUSING YOGIEMEBERRASKIING QUESTIONS FRUM GIGGLING BOES AND GURLS ABOUT WHUTS YER CIGRETTE!?!? (asspronunced by the boldest girls: 'SEGRET')....COOD THESE wild tolkin&chewin' Chickies JEST MEEN the silly ole everyday but sometimes creepy (eff it invevolves youte!) word of SECRET??
THE GURLS MAYDO MATCH!!URALLY....THEN SNIP THAT FAST BURNING, ANGRY FUSE designed in partate to keep in the Far North CANADA DRY   .:  ZONE to create a large -- won't even be able to see the uther side -- explosion to SAFENIZE all the ground for miles and miles amd miles surround intergalactic live adventure action seen frum the top as it happens afficianuttos, maniacs, and ones seeking no particular outlook, like 'THE UNIVERSE IS DESTROYED AND CAN NEVER BE REBUILT SINCE EVERYTHING IS GEARED TO FALL APART FROM OR DESTROY ANY OTHER STRATEGIC COMPONENT....  THEREFORE, THE RAPID DISINTEGRATION OF THE UNIVERSE, PROBUBBLY STARTING WITH THE PERMANINT (that's right kids, the peppy fruity PERMANANTE taste of INFIMINTS will carry you enjoyment of all 13 Billion years of its New GalactickKicking, licking, crushing, elevatoring, gliding, hiding, vanishment, banishment, triumph  of beings      

Walt, shaking his odd shaped old-fashioned head as he slumps into a stiff, craterous multipletime-restitched/reinforced folding clothe-cover-up chair that was placed there in 1926, back when clothe patchwerk (a group that tries to perfectly recreate in spirit the totally-engrossing, in-yer-fasceinated throbbing robotic purse-opening... flamboy-o-boybouyantly LETTING CONTENTS FLY TO THE WHORLED FOR FREE ACCESS TO ALL INDIVIDUALS WHOM BELIEVE THAT MUSIC & SUPER-HIP BLOGS LIKE SKUNKVILLE SAGA OR, SAY,  CATAIN GRIMM'S DREARY FAIRLY GOOD FERRY TALES, about his forty years as a sea captain making the same back and forth trip over the GRIMM River, known for its foggy captains and sea conditions....LET'S FACE IT -- THOSE KIND OF OLD-ACTION-PACKED BOCKBEERBUSTERS DON'T STEAM TO NEVER GET AS WARN-DOWN-OR-OUT  OR AS ILLEVERANT AS THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SEAVER  OR THE  OR SEVERAL OTHER DEFINITIVE RELIGIOUS TEXTSCERTAIN MARVEL COMICS LIKE DR. STRANGE, OR ANY KRAFTWERK HIT LIKE TRANS EUROPE EXPRESS    EARTH'S , bra-dropping (FEGUYS, musical works of Krapwerk/machine-built  chairs were much more in vogue for even a
Yerrrrrrrrrrrr...... OUT!!! SIDE dinner, since people didn't live as long back in the (unairconditioned) Outside Dinner Era and believed that it was life-extending to eat outside in the fresh air (e.g.m yeah, healiofry...like when the greasy towering, widening, blinding, opaque smoke that would at times swoop down in a near-human shape and 'swallow up' or enGulf the gay guests, with the Gulf Gasoline smell creating an overwhelming high frum the mind-erasing explosive fire fuels....and the 'ghests' (or 'ghosts' as they are now  'high' frum all the booze they gulped down to be the life or at least one of the lifes or one of the best friends of a Life of the partymind-fogging thicksmoke polution, mucl like what is experienced in a day on a battlefield of non-stop deafening expulsive explosives like the tossed (hand granade....' Yeah...go ahead and catch the 'grenade ball'  after I throw it at you and then you study it KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!and...oh I can't see mulch of you now...or maybe the mulch are ye now -- but if you DO get to play in Heaven, say with a ball that doesn't BANG!!!so darn violantly  then toss it back before it goes off so ye can might a have a nice daring little 'live' catch ORE  save it as a key part of yer war wampum in the 1 chance in 1,000 it doesn't get banged around and detonate when, say, yer a l'il too close to continue in the Survivor Series!!!'  From the air, from the comfy marksmen's trees, from the grenades thrown into the midst of the confusionwake fellow guests unidentifiable in the greasy banks of high-fat fog that collect as many chairs of various shapes, sizes, designs, colors, and usages as in our cuurent 'Futureristique' era -- probably a misleading name since by definition it would treat every year as technickley  of what we call NOW for lack of a better term, even though every time and place really have the same name when there: here and now and sometimes 'OW!' accompanied by 'OMG!!' when say some bulky young fellow or gal steps heavily on a frail elder hand.....Resulting in a high-pitched, instant-headache inducing shrieking squeal of agony...usually to be followed quickly with a blubbered apology by the hobbling injuree or ingerees in a case where the 'crusher's foot is  sizeXXXXL or has a thick steel-plated bottom...but even in those sceeching level incidinkles, if quick, sober action was taken to minimize the occurance/chilling sound of crunching broken bones, the party still goes on, albeit with a slow restart, with the host perhaps re-reading at a annoyingly low pace the rules of the game about to be plaid -- or wurst case if one of the more alert attendees finds what appears to be a severed broken and flattened finger on the floor, which he will usually rush to any medical doctor nearby him in this ,orass...    nless most of the group are druck   that will remain in the hosts' ears mebbe forever    the party the Browns had planned...and planned....and planned.....etc...until....well, the chair has still not changed locations: despite creating a difficult path through the Browns' living room -- even their two bright daschunds sometimes becoming bewildered in the ...'maze'...And, having to huff!, puff! j growl...as they seek to reach the livingroom spot they desire.....Now jest yesterday, kof! Edna had suggested a dinner party idea which included the space which Walt names  'The Bermuda Triangle' of their living room...shaking his head ruefully at risking anuther diasaster when it could so easally be avoided by placing Edna's watercolor easel right in the midst of the area where by far the greatest number of near-deadly party-pooper accidents have occurred...completing his appeal with:  'Edna, we both know that we are blessed, with a few obvious exceptions,  'Edna...we are blessed with the kindest, gentlest, most generous, most fascinating 'regular' guests of any couple living on Maple Avenue of Skunkville our lovely home street...Which has been featured  on the cover of the top-rated Skunkville Style Magazine numerous times.  Why would we ever want to turn down this honor and glory with its humbleness sharing the spotlight along with our  inviting...OPEN!... general living room/dining room space that even includes the sizable back hall where our Uncle Edward lived from 1923 to a year or two agone (say 2014, A lIVING SPACE ODYSISSY)) WITHOUT ANY OF US EXCEPT THE DOGS (whom we now believe  were in on it frum the start. So when they in fact all failed the canine lie detector we returned the whole shooting match of them (OF CHORUS NUT THE LOVELY, CONSIDERATE YOUNG MANGY PETS YOU SEE WITH US 2-night!!!)to the pound due to their inconsiderate behavior twards all of you ...each one of you our #1 best and most admired friend above all others here...  Who are thoughtful enuff that when they do take a quick, stimulating snap or clamping down bite of a guest and even bringing us ripped remnants of fabric ripped frum our uninvited guests' war drobe, even underwear samples, pieces of snarled over $100 to $500 bills (they are so clever, never snatching anything less than a $50 from some hopeless old soul in a wheelchair  , not realizing what the shreads of clothing represented....Then our obnoxious neighbor swept them up and became an Ohio hero -- us becoming even more dislicked by dogs & humans than ever....You know Edna, that last part of our standard pet disclaimer seems wurthy of some toning down or perhaps even a change in our rules, no matter what the strain on our daschound-skin wallets, a matched set made frum our very most fave pet dog we ever had...so we keep him with us, day & nite and even tho for sum reasun the cute dog remains don't smell too good after a while...., almost insinuating that these And our compassionate, sneaky naybers  took the un-toilet-trained ingrates and turned the strays into Gold Medalists at the most-closely watched canine competition:  The 1996 Strayte Champions (Closely watched, beloved competitive howler catgory)  , but adding tearfully;  'Being it 20&some odd years agoat -- most of the guests have been rolled into their Grandt Reward Express plush relaxation 'spaceship' since '26 nower daze -- fer gosh sakes, Walt. don't you realize we've been in a new century with a whole new set of deck-aids and wurthless TV Chanel #17's and New Waver friends whom we can't understand or relate to?'  Walt, a sad dark shadow flotsoming ever so slowly & morosely  crossing his face, bumping his jetsome and halting right in it's middle, throwing Walt's deep dark profile (wispy ghost to tiny ghost fragment just split apart by creepy breeze) into the appreciative, chirping/creaking/sloshing/ groaning shadows......  Walt:  'Yes, I'll ne'er ferget how brulliantly my horse pick in The National All-Horse Baseball League, 2B Creepy Breeze played so marvelouse-ly -- well, yes, I know he made some big errors
too...'

Edna, putting her arm seductionally around Walt:  'No, Big Boy... I don't remember Creepy or Sleepy....I just remember yer totally unexpectorated virtually flawerless mangiftiscent performance that locked me in as a Brown rooter no matter whut the sourt fer alltimex!! 

As this odd cereal of imagined? series of real but imagined shadows  too...Walt hypothesizing that the real trees were the one who had lost their shadows since he understood that it was maybe fall or winter now since Edna had been putting a double-sized thermos of coffee in his Laughin' Larry's PuertoViairro TV Lunch bonera rappetite pit yer tcorncob pipe 'n the brasket ?  he reaches out to secure Edna with an arm around her shoulders:  'Yes, dear....  Sometimes I almost think of us as little kiddies, playing a never-ending game of make believe....' 
'Edna finally gains her shaking composure enough to whispurr 'Walt...we....we....ca- can stop argueling about thet crazy impossible  out-of-time dinner party....  I mean, since we usually attend them all and come home with a big package of leftovers....'  And thet dinner party thet we've been planeting for in a starry-eyed way for 100+ years mebbe is an impassability...since one one or two of the original invitees are still here on earth.... and those people moved to Florida decades ago!!

Edna continures: And enuff with your wild goose guesses on the locations and health status (e.g., dead vs alive) of the people who ised to be our regular guests until you convinced me to stop socializing with them because you didn't want us Patti Labelled with the label of Socialists -- a) because they were too much like communerists aMONGO (to Emperor Ming's disgust!!) TO HAVE our ASS-OCIATED with these radical and rabbinical guests thriving and jiving about their idears on thet guestlist! Walt:  'We're high-diving into a social pool -- but there's no water in the Depend? This is wut they ccull FUTURE SCHLOCK, like how cold the water can be when you dive into a dreamy looking basting pool!   

And due to the way the hardwood of society has shattered  down into mereiad troublesome splinters, no matter how many times Edna & Walt believed the Browns have tried to schedule a totally wideopen dinner party since then, no one has ever attended -- nor even intended to attend.  For their own conscience, they keep scheduling wide-open affairs, every kind of person invented -- no, I mean invited  it (perhaps, their wits being so closely nitted...no one ever came to the imadjinned carefooly planned events), On what was thot by Edna & Walt to be the BIG EVENING of their social score & healing of their social sore.... on the standard highly-aunticipated but disappointingly no-show-evening, with the Browns' Civil War Northern & Southern!! Salvation Army cuniforms and other memorabulimia celebrating the dining table set beautifully with gemuine, authentically spattered memorabulimia frum the famed era era era (as a Kennedy might stutter)...,  Hyper-elderly Walt having already fought in the early 19th century's Crimean War, which also made him sick...'especialulply the frogs' highly documinted, ffresh-tasting tales...'n I'm talkin' abut the reel thing, not freakin' hand-me-down ledge-ends with holes in their leggings!! 
   

To date, this special, in the process of being planned, set, and funded/paid-for  for deades....

Walta: 'Whatta Crimea  -- mebbe even a CREAMEA!!!...Wuz how MEAN thet war wuz.'..' Walt always automatically says on  the top-ick! of his 19th century ('See...the U.S. weren't nuthin' more than teenagers (19 decades old) as furr as war experiedances.... and due to more ordinary conversational mires and bogs that sent the social group into a best-face-backward-hiding due to abject terror of nuthing to talk aboot 'cept work & whut mutilation might be like to one whom had the experience.....  and the overuse/abuse of Walt's framhouse (highly-questioned behind his back since men with heavy french accents and loaded pisstools were often seen hanging around Walt's house oncet it twer dark...) as a standard go-to just because Edna was...partly sadistic to see Walt turn white as a ghost as he tried to further energize stories he had shared dozens and dozens of dizzying tomes!!  Yes, this ploy almost always razed its ugly head as a casual throwaway in a cocktail discussion where the Browns had made the mistake of attending...or even staging!  Walt always seemed to have the need to do #2 once there was a mass request for his war stories... including a section on how to safely & neatly go to the baffroom.... Plus Edna would bend some ears (or eyes due to her great beauty when junger) telling how she coped with the War on the home front what with all the 'icky, perntlis' Panicking and Walt's occasional Fox-Hole ( a U.S. Friendly cabaret/bar featuring loads of hot French 'foxes' where Walt would sip on a beer and compose his now fully written war stories (unavailableeven to this day for sale due to a century-plus length and still gooing battle among a number of  American & french Publispers, as swell as one frum Mars, who have learned frum all the U.S. spaceoutships sent to their planet, which describe in detail how our spaceships are made and how to build them, as swell as the right paths or roads to, say, get to Earth AFastAP for various scenarios of where Mars is in eating up its Orbit vs. Sam for U.S. , The first many of these Martion Crankinkles  seemingly as perfectly honestly written from the green man (?)'s POV as they could be.... ....sometimes descryptions of even where the rest room door , space deck, romantic lounge (Martian crews included two of the three Martian genders, including their equivalent of male and female along with another hybrid, kinda-tubby  group, a lonely, slow-moving, constitutionallyoverweight (*see SKUNKVILLE ENTERPRISES, publisher of hundreds of incredibly weird, hardly read tomes, for Information Please on how & why & which vividly to the very boundary of disgusting TMI a  3rd Martian gender which could conceive only with the help of a 4th gender, which, weight conscious for vain reasons,  seems to have dieted out in a race to be the one 4th Martian humanoid/subhumanoid/ultrahumanoid...all struggling to secure their race against the long-powerful, entrenched, stripped-down so fewer reasons/needs for breakdown of this longtime #1 intelligent species on the Martian Hit Species Chart a listand/ora whose weakest member at the end of this Martian week is a  ratbird-like 5th gender survivor, having moved up one notch just three weeks ago in the highly competitive Martian Top Intelligent Species wild scramble for DOMINANCE of seemingly near-wurthless Mars.... As we all know from out youthful HORROR/SPACE movies...In the continually doomed INVADE-EARTFLIGHTS happeened to be located just feet (the other invitees) frum the bedecked dinner table.  As a standard measure, the doors were rigged to shoot a blast of air re-freshener into the just-vacated room's space just as the latest user closed the door...  But sometimes there were so many visitors making 'that visit'...perhaps due to recipe or cooking mystakes or terror or disgust felt 2nd-hand frum Walt's stories....that eventually the decision was made by the management of the 'watering hole' and the guests  to move themselves into some fresher air, which, due to the amount of alcohol imbibed and the various guests wanting to be the director of the table move 'given all the spills and stench-outs, etc.' we've haddled in the passed....' the table inevitably would teeter in trnsit...usually towards a place that could not accomodate it for a large dinner date anyway.....and all would be floored....everything in the tableau -- half-looped people in their no-lunger finery, all the dishery, glassery, candley (typically leading to a small fire that was over-zealously put out by the HERO (who might have also been the author of the event!), sending the smart money/men/wimmen out into the streets....to be knocked off their feet every now & then by an enemy bomb hitting not far away or an enemy plan e fireballing as it hit the streets with deafening but no-injury (at least to the bombees...perhaps some minor burns & pinched fingers for the feverously werking, guilty, terrifried AttackCurrs (i.e., attackers of of the use of violence and weapons of mass  frum the colorfool On-Site Peace Explo just (Explo logo the word Explo made with colors like pink and blue sky color withy puffy white clouds and flying animals, like flying white, smiling with that big trap of his, allegators labelled 'We are here to provide some Detailing to the more violant asses here...  And  a few blocks away... Where Peaceful Coloring Books and a little box of Peaceful crayons (no black, no blood-colored, no fire-making shades, etc.)  

Sudanly now, lovely social change guru Enny Moore has joined this scene, and she appears to really be hot/angry about something! 'Walt, where is yer common sense?  I believe you have run that revolting picture of the guy whose head is composed of a large revolting ball of spicy, cheap food....  Yes....a gross being continuously made/sustained by disgusting-looking food....  Remember what the door mouse said?  'Feed yer head?'  Well, this guy has overdone it, taken it to a new disgusting level....  But what am I getting all blown out about?  It was I who found the gross headshot on the Web, then wrote around it accordianly!!  So, I guess I'm one of those slugs that plays both sides of the fence....  Condemning the disgusting barfmonster, then congratulating myself about good reader 'attendance' lately!!!




 
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