Skunkville Saga Rumination

Unusual adventures & awkward situations & miscommunications seem to plague and/or delight an elderly couple who seem to know how to roll with the punches

The later lives of iconic residents in a nondescript American town. This blog novel currently has 2 MILLION words served up as 2,000 nail-biting quick-reading hard-laffing episodes, its 2,000,000 words more than ANY OTHER easily-obtainable novel. KIRKUS REVIEWS (see review on Kirkus site) compares SKUNKVILLE to the works of literary geniuses James Joyce, Thomas Pynchon, and John Barth. SKV Has attracted ~110,000 reader visits to date just on Delphi, plus an equally large number of additional readers on a diversity of other sites now no longer relied on by Skunkville.
10/18/16

Walt Edna Piddles,Fiddles MUCH MORE BUT.

Ruler of Universe (R) Jr. Ruler (L)
Old-Fashioned Bowl-Style Time Ruler
Walt:  'It was a wise philosoaper, or sopper-up of what wuz happening to Mankind in his time, who is said to have sed,  'When one human loses his glasses, all humanity loses its sight.'

Edna, skritching her wrinkle-free far-head while also shaking  her pretty head in em-fat-tic & sour disagreasedmint:  'But how could ALL of US lose our reading glassics or lose touch with our prowed General Vision -- or even our drinkling -- glasses Simon & Garfunkel-Utaneously... just becuz one knucklehead lost hiz shotglass or  owen pair owel-eyes??'

Walt:  'Duxz yer inner head need an internal wash and confuz-elled -thought removoil or clean-start procedure erasure service p'raps?  And yer Your hair follycalls, locratered nearin yer brane,  may be itching like they're infestled with fleese to tell you what they jester witnessed or heard roundabout happening just below them in yer brain cuntroll center, i.e. Head House Square...!?!?'

Piddles inCerts injects, mintily, tho':  'Personally, not wearing my glasses makes me feel so mirackulously FREER once I slip or shake or pawen 'em offett...perhaps even on some other needier blind as a bat mongroll!....  Freon thim to better chase after tasty vermin using my dogfocals elite Mort Farr TV-like hypervision powers ...thus FARR MORE (as in Farmore interesting than the average bear...) suckcess in landing a swirming lunch!!...Yes Mort Farr hypervision is clearly superior in terms of nut only camera-eye 4-D (the 3 spaciality dimensions plus #4! ...future prey movements revealed a few moments in advance!!)  like vision and perfect snapshot fer me brane to mull on, but then the power of my instinktyive-sensing.........and Fart More like..like...Lake Supe-reeier cumpared to uthers of this whirled about not being confusiladed and handicrapped by my blurrier/blearier/dreerier/inferiorer dog-o-vision...  Yet I know that Miss Universe dealt each of us weaknesses to provide us grrrooaffff opportuna-teas to learn how-to offsettle our weaknesses with chilly Newfoundland strengths and vice squat averse squat!!'

Walt heartily claps his handicaps, two caps firing off in each hand after each clappett to make his claptrack clapping seem all the more impressive, regirdleless of whether he's making any cents by finding pennies on the floorer, OR foul scense aka scents...bad theories or just his usual manly B.O,, All Detergent of which could be said to be an example of common scents, as nauseating as they may be in action...  And easily removed (most o' 'em by All).

Edna, face screwed in disgustion, holding her noset:  'Why Doans (pills) ye have the minimal common sense to apply yer Crap-Mart De0derator Under-Armed-Stink-Annhilator every morning...... As an essential Rid yer Ritch-u-all of existens EVERY DAY for the sake of Mankind, especially those nearest to Ground zERO (Wallet Brown)!!...If not fer yerselves, do it fur Mankindly!!! 

And to prove this Piddles quicklydashesoutside throughtheswinglingdog-door& roundsupa petrified mouse, a petrified gopher and a dirty rat!!

Walt, petting Piddles for her nicely nuanced quick de-nuisancerating of a veeriety of dirty vermin from around their houset...  But then making the MISTEAK of bringing them into the worst place with all their long-term even if removed immediately OVERWHELPING MALODORITUDE  (HOME, where the heart.. and nose.... of existence is) 

Thet is, after p'raps TOO kindly Walt has kindly & gentilely excorted the three householed nuisances out the back door, wishing them bon chance  and a stiff tailwind in their future verminal exploits....while he has to stup up his flowery release speech for a secondo due to the freightened about-to-be-released members of nature stronger and more toxic-cola  hindwinds as they anxiously prepare to run for cover ..... 

Walt nonetheless adding: 'However, you, Mr. 'Captured Gopher' I now recognize & reclognize as mine owen frightened or   Petrified Gopher that wuz trapped and stiffened up as much as a Britisher's upper lip  pour mon bookshelf  jn 1932...  
'So I think the 'heroes' who made some of these arrests and 'pullivers to check license's' stuffed their bounty bag by capturing some rather vulnerable, easy targettes'...This capturer of m1932 Stuffed Gopher on the frontage page of today's Skunkville Fact-Finder & Bird-Caller 

Fiddles., for his part having 'captured' the daily newspaper from the frunt lawn, is now busily chewing it up and even trying to eat parts of  the ladies clothing asvertisements per Walt's orders: 

Fiddles, her hind standing on end all o' a sudden:   'But aren't ye going to protectorate my protectorate??  Here come's Edna with her wicked, steel yarn reinforecepted  swatting embroidery!!'

And now, to top even Steven  that astounding development.....As if anyone of this Earth could....Shocking everyone, the Ruler of the Universe, exactly 12 inches tall and therefore selected to be the Cosmos Ruling Politicos as the only liviing being PRECISELY 12 jnches tall.  A few of our older but more alert readers may remember when, having come to visit Earth for his first vacation in a billion years, decided to use his year off to become  one time owner of the Just Rulers Store (see Archive) in downtown Skunkville while he was on spring break from his demanding Ruler of the Universe gig, which required that he and his staff had a verify all commercial claims made anywhere in the Universe that a product or service part wuz EGGZACTLY 12 inchers tall...  

The Ruler of the Universe (NOT a political ruler...more of a moderator/peacemaker, Sizeage Overseer who PUT HIS LITTLE 2" FOOT WAY DOWN if someone's claimed 'exactly one foot' (in width or length or diameter or circuscumfrence or travel range in 24 hours (or whete'er wez the leckle misurablement of Time, which -- I know this is big news I've loaded into this magazine of this explosive sentence --  even itself is not 12" tall, even in the case of a Special Memorial Re-Issues of Past Times that are hard to believe people waisted their times on in the hoary pastel.... )  -- not in any way a deity by any stretch of the imagi8nation or say a rubber 12-inch ruler, for that matter, Clyde McPhatter!).... The Ruler of the Universe's extremely popular store carried ONLY 12 lnch rulers -- no awkwardly long yardsticks or no out-dated, debunked metric junk or bunk....depending on yer POV..

Walt asstarnished but joyful to see the tiny, foot-tall, slender  Ruler.... And he bends over and scoops the political top being of the 'Universe' up into his pudgy, gentle hands... The Universe as defined now in a modern, ever-expanding  fashion, including other dimensions, alternative universes, imaginary universes that still believe they are real and therefore still keep on functioning and using up imaginary energy & phony resources  etc. despite their only hypothetheatrical or quasi-claim to ex ees stanse....  Walt givimg the Ruler a gentle 12-inch hug, due to his other pleasant and sometimes exciting exciting experiences with the Measurer.....  

'Edna,' Walt cries.  'Remember NOW how tired the Ruler' was after his journey of millions, if not jillions,  of light years when he arrivaled a while backet, years ago in terms of Skunkville readers' experience of time and space...  I mean, a lot can happen in the immense time/space continuum in that span......  I mean, if we took all the amazing things that have happened on Earth in the last 2 or 3 years...

Edna:  'Yeah...like what, Mr. Knowledge of All Time & Space...???'

Walt, caught offguard: 'Well...what about....hmmmmmm......let me see.....well, of chorus there's.....hmmmmmm....Let's see, who won the pennants.... Oh, that doesn't matter because they let most of the other teams play in the playoffs as a sign of open-mindled-ness.... Gee, the one thing I sure remembler is when the Sports Illustrative Bathing Suit issue was issued.....'

Edna, slapping her head in mock chagrin:  'OMGoodness, whatafool...whatatool!!'

  So we tuckled him in, after checking his suitcase and putting all the strange tiny artifacts and invisible clothing in OUR closet....

Edna quips, nudding her hed:  'Well, I guess that indicates that we have advanced from faulty memory to NO memory a'tall!!'

The Ruler of the U'Verse...exactly 12 inches tall signals in a loving way that they should feel no remorse, that he had been alive for billions of years and needed a rest of more than a night's sleep anyhow...'And remember, I am the Ruler of the Universe beause I am exactly 12 inchons tall -- NOT because I am ALL POWERFUL!!... My main power is to call an end all meetings of all the InterGalactic leadherds oncet the scoreboard clock, visible throughout All the Universe as well as other locations as well yet to be understooted when the silver in the Time & Temperature reaches the RED LINE whitch marks THE END    


  
 
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