Earnest: 'Why haven't you asked me, Doctor? I know the answers to all those questions. I am the counter-agent assigned to foil you, whichever side you're working on!'
Linda, sighing: 'As usual. My lovelife turns out to be imaginary.'
Earnest Makeover: 'For just this once, Linda, you are wrong. Was it not me -- not that geek across from me -- who had his head up inside your sweater on that wondrous day??'
Linda's roomate Jill, who has recently found she is of African-American heritage: 'He's got you there, Lin!'
Narrator: 'No, guys and girls... No reason to scream or call the police!!. I just wondered, with all that seems to be going down as I watch and record it (if only they would give me a tape recorder!) from my vantage point, near the doorway, or behind the scant furniture of this shxthole... I wondered if any of you would like to join me in a quick Hump!!'
'If this blaaggh is being sponsored all or in part in some way by a tobacco company, this is my last appearance here. There are plenty of other story-blogs like this one that could really use my charismatic, reader-attracting presence!'
Earnest2? 'True Earnes nowel chinslaws feek Ernesh onto sallads!'
brum-brum-brum-brum-brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
NB6. KN. EWWW. GOO. D. REASON. BE HERE TO. DAY!
Uh oh.... Which one should I believe?
Dr. Derrierre: 'I must admit, girls. I am not only an acu-place-kicking specialist for hemorrhoids, breast perfecting, migraine headache treatment, gout, and wart removal, but also a Russian scientist who may be a double-agent... But I'm not sure which side I'm working for...maybe both...maybe neither... maybe I'm just having severe paranoid delusions mixed with delusions of grandeur and midlife crisis!'
So, if you wouldn't mind reading the sidebar with all the pictures and captions first, then I will be glad to answer any questions you readers have about what's going on.... We know when a story has become 1,462,891 words long, stretched across 3+ years of posts amounting to 991 gradually doled-out episodes, one's recall of all the details of the plot or even the basic purpose of the elongated tale may become a bit vague.
I've been hired as an in-between the unknown writer of this blog, who, when we meet, 'it' (the writer of unknown species and gender) is behind a locked door in a vault-like structure, with a tiny opening allowing us to pass sound waves back and forth to each other, thereby representing a very impersonal kind of communication.
Plus, I have been informed by a highly credible source that the voice I speak to when I go there, using the crack in the locked door, is NOT the author anyhow, but someone representing him...that the reclusive author also has a middle-man between himself and the person to whom I talk -- or perhaps even a sequence of two or three vaguely linked middlemen communicating between him and the voice which speaks to me through one of those microphones that disguises his or her voice... Frankly, my name is George... No, sorry, but Siriusly, I think XM is much better even without Howard Stern.
Okay, that foderol was necessary for technical reasons, to test the system and see whether my messages are actually sinking into the right -- never the left! -- part of your cereberal cotex.
But I digress, obviously...
Let me now really roll up my sleeve, which I like to force my head through, even tho it ruins the shirt for normal wear, and GDTB.
You know, forget about me relating the story succinctly to you. Instead, I have selected excerpts from the complete text of this chapter to bring you down to speed.... Before, you were simply going too fast...
Excerpt #1
I Earnes get tremendous surge of power through my body just by pulling the cord and starting powerful chainsaw!! You know from looking at my pictures that I am quite geekly, maybe about same size and strength as the original 98 pound weaklink who has sand thrown in face on beech as he walks by with beautiful friend like my bosomy bud-for-life Leenda. Then the muscle men grab Leenda and begin to discuss possible rape of her in their cabana. But they not know that Leenda a customer of Joe Bob Atlas, and soon they flying in the air out of tent as we also hear Leenda busty deep boobie/belly (boobies bouncink on belly) laugh echoing down the beachfront as everyone turn and look -- then look to the sky as if coming from there as it echo off into space....never to be heard that way again.
Excerpt #2
Earnes peek in muscleman tent which now half fallen down and dark.
'Leenda... Leenda.... Etes-vous la?
'Yes, Earnes. You can come in now. I made it safe for you by expelling the baddies and sending them far away, where they will be re-habbed to act more responsible and with more caring in the future.'
Earnes (me) enter. 'Wow, Leenda! What a mess! Are yuo sure guy who no longer here are alright? Is that someone spleen on floor??'
Leenda: 'Why worry your cute little head about that, my love? I am sure that they will eventually be okay... maybe even better than they are now -- not just physically, but better human beings!'
Earnes go over and seet on Leenda lap. 'Would you ever do that to Earnes... If he did bad thing??'
Leenda: 'I know Earnes, and he would never do bad thing like the bad of those guys. Maybe pick up a penny that he found in the street... But then he start asking pedestrians if they dropped it one by one. But they all say no..... Now, with $, usually maybe feefth person say yes, grab it with quick thank, and jam in pocket, leaving quickly.'
Earnes: 'Leenda, Earnes worry about you.... You talking like Earnes now!! Deed you falls on yer head when fighting bad guys??'
Leenda, hugging Earnes as he sits on her lap, crushing his skinny body to her, smothering him now and then with reassuring keeses.
Suddenly, a light goes off in Earnes' head: 'Ma Ma... Ma Ma! Ma Ma!!! Where have you been all these long lonerly years?'
Leenda: 'There, there, Earnes.... We are reunited. Forget the time we apart. Remember the good old time, and prepare for good new time, where Earnes will never be separated from Momma -- I mean Leender..ever again.
Earnes, overjoyed, buries himself in Momma's chest. 'Let's stay jest like this forebber!!!'
NB6 POKE HEAD IN TENT: 'EVERY THING. O.K. IN HERE?'
Linda gives ever-so-trusty NB6 a big thumbs-up. Then NB6 STARE EARNES.
Earnes, a great confluence of thoughts and emotions nearly overwhelming him, nearly driving him into unsciousness.... Finally, shakily, gives NB6 a split-second-pea thumb up.
NB6: 'THERE. YOU HAVE IT. TWO THUMB UP. FOR LEENDA. EARNES. IN TE. NT. READER. HOW YOU. RATE. UH. OH. NB6 SEE. THUMB DOWN. LOO. K. ON FACE.'
There is a long silence.
NB6: 'GENE. YOU. LIKE THIS ONE. A LOT. DID' NT. U??'