Don't Read This

Rambling...that's my middle name. I would change it, but I don't like change...unless it's jingley change. That I like. That and donuts. But not the "fat-free" kind. Those are yucky. What was I saying?

12/15/09 11:06 AM

Tiger Wood Removed Susan's Boyle!!!

I had an affair with Tiger Woods, too. Well, not an affair, but I used to watch A Current Affair and he was on that show once, I think, so that's similar, right? I love Susan Boyle. And by "love", I mean that I wouldn't ever buy anything she ever recorded because I get it all free on Limewire! Not really. I don't believe in stealing. Unless you're playing baseball. Then it's okay.

The judge didn't think so, though. He said no matter what game I'm playing, pick-pocketing is never okay. Unless you're Oliver Twist. I just love that movie. "You have to pick a pocket or two!!"

That's what I was singing when I stole that guy's wallet. And I was good at it! Everybody said so. Not the guy, though. He did love the dancing, though. I could tell by the way he had me in that choke hold. He said I was a star! No he didn't, but I did see stars. After he hit me with that aluminum baseball bat. His aim was good!

I need more coffee.....*dashes away*

Comments (2)

  • 1/11/10 - nutellaI´ve never read so funny entries like these ones.
  • 1/10/10 - SGSidekickHoly crap! Your mind is toasted, isn't it!?! LOVE it!
About the Author
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I was born in Rangoon and was raised by a one-legged goat-herder who suffered from halitosis, crunchy hair, and a cough due to cold. One day while I was out helping my goat-herding legal guardian collect a couple of stray goats who were bleating and eating our neighbor's poppies (they weren't really poppies...they were carrots, but he tried to fool us so we wouldn't eat his "upside down flowers"), I happened upon a book written by Mark Tween (yes, I know it sounds the same as that other guy, but trust wasn't him) and instantly fell in love with book binding. It was beautiful.

Later when I was in high school (okay, prison, but they did teach us things), I decided I wanted to become an amateur milk I went to finishing school (where I learned to finish the folk tales I used to spin but never finish when I was a kid and an old plate of beets I refused to eat when I was eight because they reminded me of my Aunt Edna's blood boils)...and the rest, as they say, is history. Well, not the kind you'd read in a book...unless you happen to be writing a book about me, which would be pretty unlikely...unless you're my mother and someone raised you from the dead. She's not actually dead, but that's what she always screams at my brother. "You make me so mad, I wish I was DEAD!"

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