Right
Speech & Gossip
I’VE
FOUND THAT the best antidote to gossip is deliberately and
consistently meditating on the kindness of others and cultivating
lovingkindness toward them. Sit down sometime and reflect on
everything others have done for you since you were born. Start with
your parents or another kind adult who fed you as an infant. Think
about all the people who contributed to your education, all those who
encouraged you to exercise your talents, and all those who supported
you through ups and downs. It’s truly amazing how much others have
done for us. When our minds become convinced that we’ve been the
recipients of a tremendous amount of kindness in our lives, the wish
to speak ill of others vanishes. Instead, we become happy to talk
about others’ good qualities, virtuous activities, accomplishments,
and good fortune. Then not only is our own mind happy, but everyone
who speaks with us becomes happy as well. The goodness in our hearts
overcomes any wish to gossip.
Imagine
having conversations in which we talked about people’s good
qualities and accomplishments behind their back. Think about it:
wouldn’t it be fulfilling in a completely positive way? Speaking
about how others helped us, praising their talents, rejoicing in
their dharma practice, admiring and aspiring to cultivate their good
qualities—speaking about all of these uplifts our mind, creates the
positive karma of right speech, and helps spread happiness in the
world.
If
speech has five marks, O monastics, it is well spoken, not badly
spoken, blameless, and above reproach by the wise. What are these
five marks? It is speech that is timely, true, gentle, purposeful,
and spoken with a mind of lovingkindness.—the
Buddha (Anguttara
Nikaya)
Seven
Tips for Giving Up Gossip
1.
Recognize that gossip doesn’t undo the situation you’re talking
about. It only puts in motion another situation based on negative
feelings.
2.
Know that comparing yourself to others is useless. Everyone has his
or her own talents. In this way, give up jealousy and the wish to put
others down.
3.
Be aware of and transform your own thoughts, words, and deeds rather
than commenting on those of others.
4.
Train your mind to see others’ positive qualities and discuss them.
This will make you much happier than gossiping ever could.
5.
Forgive, knowing that people do harmful things because they are
unhappy. If you don’t make someone into an enemy, you won’t want
to gossip about him.
6.
Have a sense of humor about what you think, say, and do, and be able
to laugh at all of the silly things we sentient beings carry out in
our attempt to be happy. If you see the humor in our human
predicament, you’ll be more patient.
7.
Practice saying something kind to someone every day. Do this
especially with people you don’t like. It gets easier with practice
and bears surprisingly good results.