Pennies from heaven
gBay!
Coming straight to you from Chicago, the home of corruption, graft, dirty politics and the Lager Beer Riots, we bring you gBay!*
Have a spare Senate seat you're not using? House membership just withering away? Unused Cabinet position? Sell it on gBay! the one-stop-shopping center for the honestly mis-inclined.
Current bid prices:
Senate seat, Illinois (formerly held by Barack Obama) $500,000
Senate seat, Delaware (soon to be vacated by Joe Biden) $35,000
Senate seat, New York (soon to be vacated by Hillary Clinton) $750,000
Governor's chair, Illinois (soon to be vacated by Rod Blagojevich) $12.87
Senate seat, Ted Stevens (short-term offer only) half a sandwich
gBay! FAQ sheet:
Q: Are we authorized to sell these positions?
A: Who cares? We're in Chicago.
Q: Is this legal?
A: Who cares? We're in Chicago.
Q: Wouldn't Abe Lincoln roll over in his grave if he knew you were doing this?
A: Abe would applaud our enterprising nature. We're pretty sure. We think. Maybe. Aw, who cares? He's dead anyway.
Q: Are you selling anything else?
A: Ask us about our icy-cold Alaska specials!
Q: Isn't graft dishonest?
A: Hey, we're just trying to keep up with tradition. So sue us.
Our motto: "I've got this thing and it's f*&%$* golden."
*As seen on TV!
Rod Blagojevich gBay graft