I’m looking outside at a white winter wonderland and
actually counting my blessings that the snow has held off for so long. Where I
live, it is not out of the ordinary for there to be snow on Halloween so I
think as a whole we’ve been blessed this year. I was hoping that it would snow
before December first because this usually means that the snow will be gone by
the middle of April. It’s also not that uncommon for us to still have snow
lingering on the ground at the end of May. I live in the great white North. I
live in Canada and along a line known as the snow belt, and I know I’ve told
you all this before.
I have been moody. I like to call it mood swingy because for
as many minutes there are in a day is as many times that my mood can change.
Some people would call this PMS, except it happens whenever the hell it wants
to regardless of cycles and thusly the title of this blog entry for half the time I feel like I'm a blathering fool. In order for it to
be PMS it has to be PRE something. It’s not PRE anything, it just is.
My darling Love has reminded me that I have been under oodles of stress even if
on the outside it looks like minimal stress and couple that with health issues
that have hit me out of the blue and sort of taken me aback and TADA it’s no
shock to find that I am just a wee bit moody.
My problem with mood swing is that I most of the time feel like I am wearing my
heart on my sleeve and despite the things I talk about on my blog or in forums
I am a very private person and that includes my emotions. If I am having a bad
day I usually shut the hell up and back away from conversations because
inevitably someone is going to say something that triggers me and like my
mother used to say, if you haven’t anything good to say best to not say
anything at all. That is just good common sense, but in my wave of moodiness
common sense seems to have taken a mini vacation from time to time.
I don’t like to appear vulnerable and I happen to think that
my recent issues have made me feel vulnerable whether or not I appear to be. If
I feel that way then assuredly I think I look that way and that in turn makes
me even more moody than the moody I was when the whole thing started. Dizzy yet?
I would discuss the issues but TRUST me they are TMI even
for the strongest palette. Besides they would make me appear vulnerable… shake,
stir, repeat paragraph above.
I can feel the culmination of past about to collide with the
present and it’s going to make for an interesting future as I sit staring out
into this white winter wonderland…