** this is also posted on my fridge this morning**
See that rather rectangular contraption that sits in the
corner of the kitchen? That is a dishwasher.
You pick up the dirty dishes, put them in there in an orderly fashion, add
detergent, hook it up, turn it on and VOILA clean dishes! There is no such
thing as the dish fairy…she doesn’t come and magically clean the dishes while
you sleep, but she might start dropping the mounds of dirty dishes on your
heads while you do just to get her point across.
When you sit on the toilet I want you to do something for me.
Take a look at the wall directly across from you, in line with your knees you
will see a shiny silver protrusion from the wall with a black stick going from
left to right. That black stick is spring loaded and it comes off. Give it a
try the next time you’re in there… when you have that black stick in your hand
you should experiment with it and a roll of toilet paper and see just how
keenly the roll of toilet paper fits over the stick. Once you have done that,
lean into that shiny protrusion and click the black stick back into the place
you took it from WITH the roll of toilet paper still on. Now that you’ve done that
pull the outermost sheet of paper towards you. See how that works? Amazing I
That loud noise you hear in the early morning while you are
trying to sleep? That is a vacuum cleaner…it picks up lint and pet hair and
dust and dirt, we plug it into the wall, press the ON button and then steer it
over the floors. That’s all there is to it and it takes care of the rest. Easy peasy isn’t it? Good …now you give it a
whirl. It’s also great fun to watch one of the dogs run away and the other try
to eat the machine; you are depriving yourselves of a great laugh by not doing
Garbage cans get full when you throw waste into them, they,
like the dishwasher, are not run by the garbage fairy. Yelling that the bag is
full is not going to summon the magical garbage fairy to empty the bin; you
must physically take out the full bag and replace it with the empty one.
Wednesday is GARBAGE day… That means you take the garbage and recycling to the
curb and STOP putting garbage in the recycling bins and recycling in the
garbage can…it’s pissing me off!
The grocery fairy only comes on Friday, if you eat
everything in the house by Wednesday don’t complain that the grocery fairy didn’t
do her job, she did and you are exploiting her good nature. Whining will not
make her trek out to the store again, she has told you time and time and time
again that she will buy food ONCE a week and only ONCE a week and that you all
need to learn portion control and how to think of tomorrow. You’re hungry? Too
bad…find thee jobs and contribute then!
You are 17, 18, 19 and 19 and 21 oh and 40!
~Signed the EVERYTHING Fairy!