RaziWorld

The Life and Times of one Dark Divah

11/19/07

The Dreaded Pap Smear

Possible TMI  alert!

I am off to the doctor this morning. It’s yearly physical time and the one thing I hate worse than having to get on a scale is the dreaded pap smear. Now gentlemen before you get all squicky you need to realize that for us ladies it is a fact of life, in fact it can very well save our lives, but I digress.

 I am scheduled for the dreaded pap smear, however Mother Nature had different plans because she and Auntie Flo came to visit a whopping 12 days ahead of schedule and I swear to all the Gods I believe in that there is some unknown force at work that doesn’t want me to know about my feminine health. My GP’s nurse is going to laugh at me when I walk in there this morning because she knows the tribulations I have had in the past year of trying to get this stupid test done and for the last 6 months I have been steadfast in tracking my cycles so that I would be able to book this test without fear of the dreaded red river of doom coming into play. I charted dates, and symptoms and changes and flow and color and a variable of other symptoms that I will not go into, I have been at this like I said steadfastly for the last 6 months and when I am finally confident enough in my body and the way my cycle has been “regular” I book the test and then last night I feel that familiar twinge that women will nod knowingly about and I literally say out loud “Oh I don’t believe this!” I run to privacy of the restroom and lo and behold Auntie Flo drops in for an unscheduled visit. What do I do? I rush to my computer and make sure that I haven’t miscalculated; nope I am early…very early… and this means no PAP for me…. AGAIN.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I was looking forward to it, I wasn’t looking forward to the pinch, the discomfort or the dreaded “move down” followed by the universal “relax.” It doesn’t matter if your ass is hanging off the table the doctor will tell you to move down and I don’t know about anyone else but it’s kind of hard to relax with a piece of hard plastic pinching you. I know, I know it’s TMI, but it’s nonetheless true.

So I am cranky and crampy and have to get on a scale and most likely get bitched at for not taking proper care of me in the last few weeks but at least I don’t have to have a PAP… but I do want one even though I hate them. They are an important part of a woman’s reproductive health and even though the baby-factory is closed, it would be nice to know that the equipment is still in good working order.

And how is your Monday?

 

Comments (3)

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About the Author
DarkDivah (RaziCichlid)What to say? What to say?
I've been kicking around Delphi since  ohhh about 1999.
I'm an aspiring author and all around nut-job.
I'm a Pagan and my path is wherever my feet happen to take me.
I'm just a little light, just a little dark and a whole lot opinionated.
I'm a free thinker and have no idea whether or not anything I say will be relevant to anyone other than me, but I'm going to say it anyhow.
You can steal my sunshine, but you can't have my thunder.
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