Home on the Range(r)

Random Thoughts as Plentiful as Cow Patties

I THINK IT, I WRITE IT

6/20/16

TEENY STORIES FROM MY NOGGIN - #5

VACATION - I HAVE RETURNED. PLEASE MIND THE GAP. 

(The following is not necessarily true. But it could be.)

What does a vacation mean to you? Maybe a chance to get away from the tediousness of your everyday life, so you can retool and refresh. The chance to spend a few carefree days with your cool friends in wine country. Or doing your favorite activities like knitting or pickling beets.

But then, it could also mean taking a road trip with the family. 

You (as in *me*) get stuck in a vehicle for several hours with CHILDREN, whose capacity for cruelity and madness knows no bounds.

These are not my children, mind you. These children are a step below mine, which bestows upon them the weird title of 'Grand.' No. They are not grand by any means. They are conniving little ingrates whose only purpose in life is to annoy, anger and torture anyone who is not their first-level parent. (Edit: "...whose purpose in life is to exponentially annoy, anger and torture anyone who is not their first-level parent.")

This being the case, several scenarios are possible. None of which involve happiness or joy. Instead the scenarios result in several "What the hell?" "Are you kidding me?" "Oh hell no!" "Because I said so!" and my very favorite, "SIT THE HELL DOWN!"

Usually, this is followed by several unfinsihed sentences such as: 

"Wha...you..." 

"Get..." 

"You better..." 

"Where are you go..."

"I said..."

"Don't touch...what did I tell...put it..."

This can be followed by:

"Leave your (insert brother or sister here) alone!"

"Whose pants are those hanging outside the car door?!"

"No...you CAN hold it for five min...oh my good lord. Stop the car."

*****************
But seriously, they were wonderful. I was the one who was the annoying little ingrate. Those quotes were from my daughter to me. Heh-heh.


 
About the Author
No Really, It's Ranger (fr4)

WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT ME THAT HASN'T BEEN SAID ALREADY?

I am a goddess. 

Perfect is my last name. Pretty is my first, and Damned is my middle.

My brain thinks I'm 25 but my body keeps blowing the whistle on it.

I've never been arrested except in development.

I'm always making jokes with people who don't have a clue (I should have learned by now).

I share (if my half is bigger).

I play well with others.

I don't eat paste. Which these days, is a glue stick.

I don't steal lunches.

My biggest problem is nap time. When I should be asleep I'm not and when I shouldn't be, I am.

I prefer snow over rain, laughter over tears, peace over conflict and eggs over easy.

Since my two children are adults now, I confessed that all these years I hadn't known one thing about being a parent. I had made it all up as I went along. They seemed disappointed by that.

Yeah, like I was supposed to know everything?? Even as a goddess I had some limitations in that arena.

So I bet you're wondering, How does one improve on perfection?

Well...there could be TWO of me!


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