VACATION - I HAVE RETURNED. PLEASE MIND THE GAP. (The following is not necessarily true. But it could be.)
What does a vacation mean to you? Maybe a chance to get away from the tediousness of your everyday life, so you can retool and refresh. The chance to spend a few carefree days with your cool friends in wine country. Or doing your favorite activities like knitting or pickling beets.
But then, it could also mean taking a road trip with the family.
You (as in *me*) get stuck in a vehicle for several hours with CHILDREN, whose capacity for cruelity and madness knows no bounds.
These are not my children, mind you. These children are a step below mine, which bestows upon them the weird title of 'Grand.' No. They are not grand by any means. They are conniving little ingrates whose only purpose in life is to annoy, anger and torture anyone who is not their first-level parent. (Edit: "...whose purpose in life is to exponentially annoy, anger and torture anyone who is not their first-level parent.")
This being the case, several scenarios are possible. None of which involve happiness or joy. Instead the scenarios result in several "What the hell?" "Are you kidding me?" "Oh hell no!" "Because I said so!" and my very favorite, "SIT THE HELL DOWN!"
Usually, this is followed by several unfinsihed sentences such as:
"Where are you go..."
"Don't touch...what did I tell...put it..."
This can be followed by:
"Leave your (insert brother or sister here) alone!"
"Whose pants are those hanging outside the car door?!"
"No...you CAN hold it for five min...oh my good lord. Stop the car."
But seriously, they were wonderful. I was the one who was the annoying little ingrate. Those quotes were from my daughter to me. Heh-heh.