I have been back to Delphi forums to make sure that "I" was still here several times, but forgot my password until now...and eight years have past since I begin this blog.
My dear one passed in November of 2008. I've moved twice, and have a little house with three cats. Reading back over my posts of his diagnosis and the time after surgery, I recognize the person I was, quite viscerally, even remembering the summer air out on the land, just as I have celebrated solstice again, here in the city. My home sits on a corner where three streets meet, along the route that led to our house.
Not a day goes by that he is not in my mind, but as our physician said, when people die, they "come to live in your heart." That comment he shared, early in 2009, got me through some hard times. I don't know when the change-over came, but the loss that rips the soul healed in ways that were imperceptible at the time, but I can look back and say, "it happened." One catalyst, I am sure, was my trip to the Seattle and northern areas last summer. I visited places we had been and drove past where we had lived. Our condo was still there, well kept, looking better than we left it actually. There is something sustaining about that.
My goals this summer, to get the storage locker cleared out, sell items or give away or bring them here, so my life is finally again on home base. On our anniversary, I planted a Japanese maple like the one I once wrote about, one that will turn colors in the fall. The yard has dogwood and blue spruce, a little path between them that leads to too much lawn. I like to think this is the kind of home we would have retired to.