From: WaltBrown44

Date: 4/18/14

Well, those of you who may have read the last episode might conceivably remember how I, the person lately charged with recording the day by day events involving Walt and Edna Brown in an engaging style so that they can be cerealized, an authentic no-holds-barred, 100% accurate reality tale, on this here Skunkville Saga where you have just landed, probably by mistake... But please!  Stay for just a minute or two and give us a sliver of a chance!

Whoops...I forgot to furnish my thought above, violating all kinds of fatal gramatical errors: but you got the drift, didn't you?  No?  Yeah... reading it again, I can see your problem, because you don't know all the stuff I accidentally left out of that paragraph that, if included, might have actually make it make sense.

What just happened in our tail, to put it bluntly, is that Walt Brown, Edna's loving and loyal husband of untold years, perhaps even centuries, has fallen asleep -- as I recall he dozes off after finding Edna and me, your friendly narrator in a steamy liplock on theBrown's new couch, an item of furniture which has never before been mentioned in the story's previous 1.5+ Million words.... That's because it's a piece of leftover furniture from a sale -- the last item, I believe, the most unsaleable because of the gaudy floral design on the slipcover --  at which Walt and Edna recently picked the big item up at the local CrxpMark... they couldn't afford the ones at the OKMart and certainly never the ones at GoodMark...And now said new  CrapMart  couch (at least they believe it is new, but a better word might be refurbushed) has been delivered and Edna and I are wildly kissing on it when Walt suddenly returns home and finds us liplocked with so much suction he has to help us disengage from one another using a popsicle stick.

And what a POP!! when that lip-seal is broken!

Walt, smacking his hands together a couple of times to quasi-clean them and indicating the job is done, then asks:  'What exactly is going on here?  The two of you are tangled up tighter than my fishing line becomes when I doze off by Skunkville Stream... Which I must say has been producing some really scary-looking 'trout' lately...I hope your embrace, young man, isn't as scary to me and my eternal wedded bliss as it feels to me right at this moment?'

Walt's honest, transparent eyes stare benignly straight into mine...As he seemingly looks all the way down into my soul!!  OMG!!  I wish I had cleaned my soul up some, or at least hid some stuff away,  before he did that!  That was so intrusive of my privacy!!  I was caught off guard, my moral/ethical pants down and my flaws hanging out repulsively for...Why, I ought to give that crusty old geezer....

A big hug!  And hug we do, Edna soon joining in too....And hoid each other for what seems like a long time...that I wish would never end...I feel totally bound to and united with these two other humble, fantastic, good-hearted married people whose marriage I may be disrupting by my lust and Edna's thirst for it..not to blame anyone but me.

Finally, after Walt accidentally leaves a smelly fxrt from all his emotion being released, we part from our 'group hug', and Walt reveals:  'Here -- let's go over into the kitchen where the atmosphere may be better for honest conversation.'

Now in the kitchen, with the swinging door closed to keep It from tracking us down, Walt continues:   'Well, Edna.... You know, I was just doing something quite similar the other day with Viola Thome down the street.... Now I don't feel so bad -- and you shouldn't either!  Or you either, boy (he says, glancing at me).  What a miracle how these impossible things all work out....sometimes!'

Edna, red-faced, half-rising from the couch, and lightly kneeing Walt in his jahoobas as she does so, 'Viola Thome...Why that no good... I'm getting the stick I use to smack Fiddles when he poops on our good rug --And go visit her right now....'

Walt, looking at her curiously:  'But before you depart, love, to what good rug do you refer?...The newest one we have arrived as a house gift from Uncle Leonard when he sureptitiously moved in with us in 1923... We couldn't figure where it came from... And didn't discover he was living with us until last week, here in good old April 2014!'

I turn to Walt, look him in the eye, and admit:  'The brief romantic interlewd was all my fault, Mr. Brown...  If you want to take me out back and beat the crap out of me, I would surely understand!'

Walt looks back at me piercingly and says:  'Yes, but if I did that, would you just lay there and take it like a man, or fight back and knock ME on my can?'

I put up my open right hand to signal a kind of timeout so I can consider his cogent question.  Finally I admit:  'No, I would do neither of those.  I would just run like blazes and get the heck outa here before you could get your old piece of shxt car started so as to try to chasen me!'

Walt glares at me, and begins counting:  'Five.....four....three.....two...'

But by then I'm out on Skunkville Avenue, flagging down and then climbing on the bus to Toledo....'Toledo, on the double!' I demand as I pay the fare to the lazy-looking driver...  'There's a murderer who wants to go on this bus:  see him running down that driveway at us right now, with his wife running after him, screaming, trying to stop him??'

Rubber burns as the driver leaps into his seat, dropping my fare money on the floor, where it is quickly collected by some of the older riders who don't even know where it came from...and the bus tears off for Toledo as Walt and Edna, enwreathed in a cloud of exhaust, both wave goodbye to me!!

Holy Toledo....what a morning!  And who's going to narrarrarrate their life stories now that I'm gone?  Or will the story become about me by default??

I notice a nice looking young lady next to me on the wide seat.

Pulling out my Camels and tapping a couple so they stick out, I profer them to her, politely asking: 'Care for a Hump, Young Lady?'

My lovely fellow traveller quickly snatches one of the Humps and pushes it gently down into her bra so as not to break it (she is wearing an open-necked blouse)... 'Thanks for the Hump, but this is a no-smoking bus, so I'll enjoy it in Toledo...if it's possible to enjoy anything there....' 

Then she otherwise completely ignores me for the rest of the long trip.

 

 

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Name:  toledo_bus.jpgSize:  13 K
Name:  THANKS_FOR_THE_HUMP_SAILOR.jpgSize:  9 K

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