From: DarkDivah (RaziCichlid)

Date: 12/30/07

We sit in the cusp of a new year; ‘tis the time of year that people walk head long into resolutions. For some they will be met with defeat, for others sheer stubbornness disguised as determination will make them stay the course and follow through.
I don’t make resolutions, instead I have revelations.

I take the time to look back at where I was once upon a time and compare it to where I am now. Did I meet the image in my minds eye, did I surpass it, where did I go wrong, what have I learned and more to the point what can I choose to change in the coming times to make sure I continue to improve rather than decline?

I could vow that no piece of chocolate is ever going to pass my lips again and that will last about 3 weeks until mother nature and her damned cramps and bleeding make chocolate cravings a bigger monster than I am willing to face, so I will instead vow to limit chocolate to that time of the month and only in moderation and only when having it will soothe the savaged beast enough not to commit murder in my testosterone laden household. You see, then chocolate becomes my ally and not my foe. Then and only then am I not breaking a resolution, but instead have had a revelation in regards to managing both cravings and addiction. I will always like chocolate in small doses; a sinful pleasure that I enjoy when the timing is right. Life is supposed to be a joyful journey, not the torture before an inevitable death. Why live in misery of what I can’t have when it is simple to allow it within reason?

I could vow that I will starve myself thin and that will last about as long as it takes for me to smell the delicious aroma of a good burger or seeing the vision of a big bowl of my favorite pasta so instead I will allow myself to dive guilt free into both; though not at the same time; and not more than once every couple of months and I will consider it a reward for a job well done when I stay the course of keeping me healthy and reclaiming my life.

I could vow that I am entirely too old to expect to feel young, but since I am no slave to numbers, age or otherwise, I will instead listen to the cues my body gives to me and adjust my behaviors, exercise and sheer stubbornness accordingly and I will learn to listen to my doctors and allow myself a slight reprieve from time to time to just be “lazy.”  A clean house is not worth anything more than a clean house. A happy and contented mind is worth its weight in gold.

I will not be or try to be super mom or super wife; I will instead retreat to being merely super me and expect that the fully grown people in my midst learn to handle and solve their own problems and I shall only take over if they are about to be run down by a Mac Truck. Gone are the days where I feel I must live up to someone else’s vision of me.

If I see, hear or feel bullshit, then I shall declare bullshit; both in myself and others and expect adjustments accordingly.

Imitation is NOT the most sincere form of flattery it’s akin to stalking.  I will encourage those in my life and circle to stop trying to be me or “like” me and make room for themselves to be exactly who it is they are.  

I will continue to teach my 7 year old niece that she can be anything she chooses to be, even a ballerina, singer, firefighting, veterinarian princess and YES she can do it all at the same time! I will continue to teach her that she is a strong woman (or will be) and that she doesn’t need the love of a boy (or man) to prove her worth to anyone.

I will continue to praise the daylight in the morning and count my blessings at night before I sleep.

I will continue to grow and evolve and enjoy the learning along the way, at times it’s been a bumpy ride, but all in all I wouldn’t change a single thing about the journey.

Now if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to make a pot of home-made turkey soup…because I WANT it and I have company coming today.


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