Possible TMI alert!
I am off to the doctor this morning. It’s yearly physical
time and the one thing I hate worse than having to get on a scale is the
dreaded pap smear. Now gentlemen before you get all squicky you need to realize
that for us ladies it is a fact of life, in fact it can very well save our
lives, but I digress.
I am scheduled for
the dreaded pap smear, however Mother Nature had different plans because she
and Auntie Flo came to visit a whopping 12 days ahead of schedule and I swear
to all the Gods I believe in that there is some unknown force at work that
doesn’t want me to know about my feminine health. My GP’s nurse is going to
laugh at me when I walk in there this morning because she knows the
tribulations I have had in the past year of trying to get this stupid test done
and for the last 6 months I have been steadfast in tracking my cycles so that I
would be able to book this test without fear of the dreaded red river of doom
coming into play. I charted dates, and symptoms and changes and flow and color
and a variable of other symptoms that I will not go into, I have been at this
like I said steadfastly for the last 6 months and when I am finally confident
enough in my body and the way my cycle has been “regular” I book the test and
then last night I feel that familiar twinge that women will nod knowingly about
and I literally say out loud “Oh I don’t believe this!” I run to privacy of the
restroom and lo and behold Auntie Flo drops in for an unscheduled visit. What
do I do? I rush to my computer and make sure that I haven’t miscalculated; nope
I am early…very early… and this means no PAP for me…. AGAIN.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I was looking forward to
it, I wasn’t looking forward to the pinch, the discomfort or the dreaded “move
down” followed by the universal “relax.” It doesn’t matter if your ass is
hanging off the table the doctor will tell you to move down and I don’t know
about anyone else but it’s kind of hard to relax with a piece of hard plastic
pinching you. I know, I know it’s TMI, but it’s nonetheless true.
So I am cranky and crampy and have to get on a scale and
most likely get bitched at for not taking proper care of me in the last few
weeks but at least I don’t have to have a PAP… but I do want one even though I
hate them. They are an important part of a woman’s reproductive health and even
though the baby-factory is closed, it would be nice to know that the equipment
is still in good working order.
And how is your Monday?