From: DarkDivah (RaziCichlid)

Date: 10/11/07

As I sit here looking at the temperature; 8 degrees Celsius or 46.4 degrees Fahrenheit; I must come to the acceptance that the ground will soon be covered with a blanket of white.
I always get a little melancholy at this time of the year, not for any reason in particular, just the knowing that we are almost at the end of another one and those could’ve, would’ve should’ve moments that come with realization.

I didn’t get half of what I wanted to get accomplished done this spring and summer. Part of that was due to overwhelming finances, and part of it was just not being able to get the people I live with off their butts or in one place long enough to get something done. Another big part of it was my not being physically able to do it because of back, neck and shoulder pain, but for the most part I’m good at sucking up the pain to get things done, yet I have been warned to not overdo it by my family doctor and it kills me to have to sit and watch and wait for other people to do things.

I have always been an “if you want something done right you have to do it yourself” type of girl. Some might call it independent, others might call it stubborn, either way it is who I am and asking me, or in this case telling me that I can’t do it is almost as good as slapping me in the face. I actually have moments of panic because my brain goes right to “well if I don’t do it, who will?”

So anyway, I’m sitting here looking out at my backyard that should have had new grass growing, that should have had a nice patio, that should have had a gated off area for my dogs, that should have had a small garden and should have been utilized for more than a puppy potty all summer long, and I sigh. I sigh because I know that it will not get done until next year, the Gods willing, and that I am going to have to take the bull by the horns to get it done.
I don’t have a huge yard, but it’s not a small yard either. It has the potential to be a beautiful space, but instead it is an eyesore and I hate it. Maybe that blanket of snow will give me the chance to forget what it actually looks like for a while, but I doubt it.

Inside of the house, needs a paint job and flooring… flooring…flooring…flooring… oh have I mentioned that I need flooring? And of course I know what it is that I want, and I want to start the purchasing of things right away, but there always seems to be something that takes precedence, though I don’t know what would take precedence over not having to walk on a sub floor…and the rest of the inside is an exercise in fluster cuck( you work that one out) because no one seems to know where anything goes and I’ve all but given up trying to get the team on board. So what do I do in this situation? I begin to take things away. Not a take things away as in punishment, as in “I’m taking your MP3 player until you learn to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher,“ no, I begin to take things away like, “Oh were you looking for a cereal bowl? We don’t have any because I SMASHED THEM ALL!” type of taking away.

Of course this gets me looked at like I have gone round the bend, and I guess in some ways I have, it all goes back to that inner bitch thing I was talking about in a previous entry.

Yeah! Bring on winter, there’s nothing like being locked up inside with a house full of crazy…

Pray for me…

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