gBay!

Coming straight to you from Chicago, the home of corruption, graft, dirty politics and the Lager Beer Riots, we bring you gBay!*

Have a spare Senate seat you're not using? House membership just withering away? Unused Cabinet position? Sell it on gBay! the one-stop-shopping center for the honestly mis-inclined.

Current bid prices:

Senate seat, Illinois (formerly held by Barack Obama)                  $500,000
Senate seat, Delaware (soon to be vacated by Joe Biden)              $35,000
Senate seat, New York (soon to be vacated by Hillary Clinton)      $750,000
Governor's chair, Illinois (soon to be vacated by Rod Blagojevich)    $12.87
Senate seat, Ted Stevens (short-term offer only)                   half a sandwich

gBay! FAQ sheet:

Q:  Are we authorized to sell these positions?
A:  Who cares? We're in Chicago.

Q:  Is this legal?
A:  Who cares? We're in Chicago.

Q:  Wouldn't Abe Lincoln roll over in his grave if he knew you were doing this?
A:  Abe would applaud our enterprising nature. We're pretty sure. We think. Maybe. Aw, who cares? He's dead anyway.

Q:  Are you selling anything else?
A:  Ask us about our icy-cold Alaska specials!

Q:  Isn't graft dishonest?
A:  Hey, we're just trying to keep up with tradition. So sue us.

Our motto:  "I've got this thing and it's f*&%$* golden." 

*As seen on TV!

Rod Blagojevich gBay graft