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My life as of late has been a whirlwind of activity. Some of it good, some of it not so good, some of it just the everyday hubbub that everyone has to one extent or another and for me the flurry of activity is about to reach an all time high as I have received the news that my anticipated surgery has been approved and scheduled for April second.
I’m still not sure if the approvals were for both my tummy and my breast reduction and I won’t know that until Tuesday seeing as Monday is a holiday in my province, the newly implemented Family Day, but regardless, I will take whatever I can get in regards to surgery while working on anything that needs working on between now and then.
I am thrilled and full of nervous anticipation because in just 6 short weeks give or take a day or two I will be embarking on a new journey in uncharted waters and even though I am well versed on the procedures and the healing times and anticipate having what some have called insurmountable pain for a few weeks afterward, I am just so damned relieved that I could hug every single stranger I meet just because I want to share what I am feeling with as many people as possible.
I am looking forward to not having to incorporate pain medication as part of my daily regimen. I am looking forward to shopping for pretty bras, I am looking forward to dressing in clothes that fit properly, probably for the first time in close to twenty years, I am so looking forward to not having to hide all the flaws and for lack of a better term, letting it all hang out.
I’m looking so forward to being rid of the neck and shoulder and lower back pain, I am looking so forward to being able to exercise properly again and not having to worry that a simple crunch will throw me into agony for days. I am looking forward to being able to walk up a hill without carrying the surplus redundant skin…I’m looking forward to being able to sleep on my stomach without mega-tits in the way and sleeping on my back without those same mega tits, floating up to my neck and suffocating me.
I have taken the time to thank almost every celestial being known to man for guiding me and letting me know when the time was right to request the surgeries and I want to thank Michael, for being there to encourage me through every single step thus far, without his ear I probably would have talked myself out of this, but am so damned thankful I followed through.
I can’t wait to see my surgeon and fight the urge to throw my hands around his neck and hug him until he can’t breathe. He gave me hope when another doctor tried to keep me down, he looked at me as a human being first and not just a bunch of zeros in his bank account. He assured me that I could be “fixed” that I could look “normal” again and he promised me a cute new belly button too!
Dr. Carlsen took the time to have the paperwork filed with my provincial insurance, took the pictures that I would rather no one ever saw, took the photographic evidence of how my body has betrayed me and sent it all in a nice package to my provincial insurance and fought for me to have something that I had resigned myself to never having.
I can’t wait to go to the amusement park and not have my boobs be in the way of the strap in guards on the roller coasters… and jeans… oh gods... I can’t wait to be able to shop for jeans! Not mom jeans, or frumpy jeans, but sexy, well fitting, YES THIS IS MY BODY jeans…and dresses… I mean an actual fit me head to toe dress that is all one piece and not separates…in all one size from top to bottom and not have bits of boob or tummy trying to escape it… oh the joys I am going to have just going out and trying on clothes because I can.
I can’t wait until my tops are not purchased in the plus department anymore… I can’t wait until I go shopping for a bra and there is only one letter within the first four letters of the alphabet after the size instead of three or e’s or f’s and sometimes g’s.
Hell I can’t wait until I can go to bed without a bra (still about 4-5 months away mind you,) but it’s GOING to happen now and I can taste it!
This is the beginning of a very long road I know; I will be trading stretch marks for a hip to hip scar, with an inverted T look to it. I will be trading heavy breasts for a lollipop scar and half anchor under the breast, but my areola will be smaller and my nipples will be smiling at the sun and oh I just thought of bathing suits…and summertime… and WHEEE!
I have waited and I have worked hard and I have wanted this since I was 28 years old, and here I am 39 and I finally feel like I’m being granted my life back…I am so thankful and blessed that I wouldn’t stop these tears even if I could.