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From: DarkDivah (RaziCichlid)

Date: 12/21/07

19 years ago tonight, just after 11 o clock in the evening, I was awoken by my telephone ringing and I, in all my pregnant glory stood up from my nap on the living room sofa, answered the phone and my water broke.

Contractions came on like gang busters, fast and furious and at the time we had no car, no taxi would take me and so an ambulance was called. Mad rush to the hospital and at 1:36 in the morning on December 22nd you entered the world.  You came in a rush and as a child that rush never slowed as I did my best to keep up with your curiosity. You were an amazing infant, never crying unless you were dirty or hungry and always quite content to just lie and examine the world from mommy’s shoulder and if I close my eyes right now I can take myself back there as if it was yesterday.

You were a vibrant toddler, which led you into some interesting predicaments and led my nerves to shattering a time or two wondering if I was going to have to Krazy Glue your bum to a chair.

Your early teenage years were a challenge as you fought to find exactly where you fit in the grand scheme of things and you turned into a stubborn and independent young man who is determined to live your life your own way and on your own terms and I know that sometimes I give you a hard time, but we both know I do it because I love you and want you to always live to your fullest potential.

 You’ve always been headstrong… who do you think you got that from?
We’ve been through some tough times you and I… and I want you to know that every single second was worth it!

Believe in yourself and you will achieve all of your dreams.

Happy Birthday Jason… I love you more than words will ever convey.


18 years ago tomorrow morning, I woke in the morning and prepared breakfast for the two little tots. I made a birthday cake for Jason’s first birthday and as I was taking it out of the oven my contractions let me know that you were on the way.
I farted around a bit, I knew the drill all too well and I thought for sure they were Braxton Hicks, but you would prove me wrong.
Your father wanted me to call him at work and get him out of his shift early for the holidays by telling his team leader that I was in labor. I called and got your father on the phone and told him, “You have to come home …NOW!”

He whispered and asked me if it was “for real.”

I arrived at the hospital at quarter after 10 in the morning and my OB scorned me because I wasn’t supposed to have you for another 6 days …he was going out of town and was leaving the hospital at noon and told me that there was a very capable doctor there to take care of me should he miss your birth.
You would have none of that… at 11:39 in the morning, you drew your first breath, entered the world with eyes wide open, cried for a mere minute and then as they placed you in my arms you looked at me with what seemed as much awe as I was looking at you with. Those moments… those silent, precious moments are ones I will keep with me forever.

When I was finally able to speak I laughed through my tears of joy and I said you looked just like YOB…(Looney tunes Martian baby for those who might remember the cartoon)…the nurses thought I was losing it when I complained about missing my baby’s birthday…I then told them that I had one at home born the same day the year before.

I still shudder with fear when I allow myself to remember the day I almost lost you. There was no terror I have ever felt like the morning I found you lying stiff and lifeless in your crib. It felt like the hand of heaven had reached down and ripped my heart right from my chest. I remember the terror, I remember the fear, I remember screaming for someone to help me in the early morning hours and I remember screaming at you telling you that you were NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE ME! I told all the gods in the heavens that day that they could not have you. They would not take my YOB from me.

You stayed with me, and you are a GOOD person and there are times when I sit and I look at you in the silences and I remember that little face placed into my arms. I am just as much in awe of you today as I was then.

Happy 18th Birthday Nicholas…you’ve come a LOOOONNNNGGG way baby!


I love you my year apart twins!!


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