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From: DarkDivah (RaziCichlid)

Date: 5/22/07

It’s been a while since I have written anything to post here on my blog. Truth is that I haven’t been all that busy, unless you count taking time to take stock of me busy.
I have started on a journey to even further reclaiming the body that I should have. I have a pending appointment with a plastic surgeon to start this ball rolling and right now as I write this I am sitting in a shadowed veil of the unknown. I’m 99.999% positive that breast reduction will be a shoe in. I am not going to go into the size I am or the size I want to be, but it is sufficed to say that there will be a significant period of adjustment for me afterwards. My whole me will have to adjust to being a little less top heavy and I’m sure in the long run my back will thank me for it.

 On top of this I am vying to have a tummy tuck at the same time. The breast surgery is a 2 hour operation as is the tummy tuck and if at all humanly possible I would like to only have to be under anesthetic once rather than having one operation and then 6 months down the road having to go in and have another.
 What I am thankful for is the fact that I live in Canada and here we have socialized health care. This means that if I meet the symptomology requirements, then both surgeries will be 100% covered and I will bear no out of pocket expense save for a compression garment and some pretty new bras.
As it stands now, I am pretty much living on Advil and Robaxacet.

The good thing is that my little visit to the ER a couple of months ago with severe nerve compression from the weight of my breasts has proven that my taking the bull by the horns has paid off medically. I am in perfect health otherwise. My blood pressure is good, no cholesterol problems, my heart rates are fabulous, my lungs are what the cardiologist described as INCREDIBLY clear (despite the years of smoking that I put them through.) I do not have diabetes; I have no secondary infections, and despite still being a little overweight I have the system of a 25 year old rather than the system of a 45 year old. I currently am 38 years old.
Of course there are those who have met my desires for surgery with resistance wondering why I want to go under the knife and all I can say to them is that if they were to live one week in my skin they would understand.

Being pregnant 4 times in 5 years alone has done a number on the ligature of my belly, however 90 Hindu crunches a day have done wonders for the underlying muscles and it may be that I don’t even need a full tuck, just the removal of the flaccid skin.
Between my boobs and my belly and the removal of the excess, it is anticipated that I will actually look about 40lbs lighter. I will not BE 40lbs lighter, but hell I could be a good 20lbs lighter.

If you are trying to understand the complexity of the body stress here is a challenge to help you understand.
Strap 20lbs to your chest, but you can not bind it tightly, it has to droop down and the major amount of weight has to be bared only by the shoulders, and then take an extra 30lbs and strap it to your waist and have the majority of that weight hanging in the front, at just the top of your thighs and the brunt of that weight must be bared by the lower back and only the lower back. Walk around like this for a week. Then and only then will you have an idea of what it is that I am currently dealing with.
I’m not looking to be a size 6, hell I will never be a size 6 genetics have done a fantastic job of ensuring that, but what I am looking for is to live pain free without the need for medication to help me along the way.

I’m looking for an end to cracked and broken skin, which stings like a MOFO… and I’m looking forward to what I can do, that I can’t currently do.

I truly don’t care if I drop a single clothing size, but it will be nice to have the clothes fit the way they were intended.

Wish me luck!

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