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From: No Really, It's Ranger (fr4)

Date: 4/16/14


First, let me just say that intimate relationships (as in close, not sexual...geesh human mortals, clean your minds!) can be had by anyone. Men and women, men and men, women and women, parents and children, siblings and other siblings, dogs and cats, horses and monkeys, gerbils and fish, knives and forks, eggs and bacon.

But I have noticed after having a long-term intimate thing with Slachurus, God of Procrastination,  our relationship has never quite been on equal footing. Being with him is a little like walking with one foot in a trench.

It could be my perspective is skewed,  but...

nawww.

I contribute waaaay more to this relationship than Slachurus could ever conceive in his brain, let alone actually do. Don't get me wrong, generally speaking, Slachurus isn't too bad for a god. I mean he isn't like Vulcan or Mars or *whispering* what's-his-face who rules the Underworld.

I know. You're thinking, Ranger you are such a drama goddess. At least he isn't Bacchus. Heh. No, but he and Bacchus would have to be brothers to be any closer. Slachurus is all laughs, and smiles. He's easy going, and friendly and well damn it...people just like him. 

That's part of the problem. He's so nice, nobody would ever suspect that he can't keep up his end of a relationship. I mean come on. Anybody who smiles THAT MUCH has got to be an all around great partner, RIGHT?

Yeah. Right.

Usually when two individuals make a personal commitment to each other, they're considered two-halves of a whole. Hence, one partner will call the other "my other half" or my personal favorite, "my better half."

Slachurus just doesn't work very hard at being a 'half.' It's too much...um...work. 

Helloooo...his name is Slachurus...he doesn't like working at anything if he can help it.

In fact, he's so casual, he doesn't even realize what he's saying about or even TO me half the time.  

Case in point:

One of his buddies will call him to go out for ambrosia, wine and Olympic wrestling. He doesn't want to go and uses me as an excuse. 

Usually he'll objectify me, not realizing I am a unique entity: 

'I've got to do something with the wife'

or

'I'm staying home with the family' 

or my favorite,

"I'm being held hostage and can't chew my way through the ropes."

Until today. For whatever reason, he referred to me as his 'better half' (a true statement, though hearing him say it was a shocker nonetheless) but then there was raucous laughter on his end of the call. Like being his 'better half' was a joke.

That's when it came to me. We ARE two parts of this relationship, me and Ol' Slachurus. 

Only thing is, I am three-fourths to his one-fourth and he ain't  budging.

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