I used to have one of those ugly white mechanical egg timers. I had that thing for 25 years or more, and it worked.
It just worked.
It didn't matter how greasy it got.
It didn't matter how warped the plastic got from sitting on top of the oven, or how yellow it got from being in the sun.
I even threw it in a sinkful of water every once in a while, usually when the grease and dust combination got to be more than 1/4" thick. I'm nothing if not an immaculate housekeeper.
Oh hush up.
My Minute Minder egg timer ticked when it was on, and you could hear it ratcheting along, counting down the minutes. When it was finished, it would chime out a cheery and triumphant *DING*. Tick, tick, tick, tick, *DING*!
One ding only, Vasily, one ding only.
Then one day after an egg timer bath, it just stopped working. I dried it, I shook it, I pleaded with it to work. I waited days, thinking there was still water all up in its springs, keeping it from making its appointed ratchety rounds.
But it was dead. Irrevocably, irretrievably dead.
Hubby was dispatched to buy another, and he came back with an electronic gizmo that wasn't at all what I was expecting. The people at the store laughed at him when he said he wanted one just like we used to have.
"Sir, they haven't made those in years."
So they sold him an electronic egg timer. With instructions. And batteries.
The first thing that happened was the magnet on the back that was supposed to hold it to your stove, broke off. Half the time when you push the button to add a minute, it adds two, instead.
The battery died, and had to be replaced after about three months.
I never had to replace batteries on my ugly old white egg timer in all those 25 years. Springs are the thing!
The compact black electronic egg timer ticks silently and secretively away, and you don't know if it's working or not unless you turn on the kitchen light, and check the readout. When it's finished, it starts beeping at you. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Over and over, slyly, insistently, then increasing in speed and volume until it finally changes to a shrill pitch demanding that you appear instantly and turn it the hell off!
Now, the stupid thing dutifully counts down to 0.... but then doesn't beep. It just starts counting upwards! Let it go on, and it will time the rest of your life, apparently.
Or until the batteries die again.
The joke's on you, sleek black egg timer that probably cost ten dollars. They do still make those old-style mechanical egg timers, and I know now where to buy one for about three bucks. It may not be a Minute Minder, but it will be a spring-wound ticker that will *DING* when it's finished.
One ding only, Vasily, one ding only.
You, sir Accu-Rite, with your silent secretive timing and your nastily expressed beep beep, beep beep, beep beep, are neither accurate, nor right for me, and you are soon going to be taking a nice warm bath soon, in a sink full of dishwater.
Let's see how you and your batteries survive that one.