Fortuna's Favor Rites

...when you have once put your neck beneath the yoke of Fortune, you must with steadfast heart bear whatever comes to pass within her realm... Ah! dull-witted mortal, if Fortune begin to stay still, she is no longer Fortune.

Serving irreverent virgins and margarita tea since 2002.
Or was that virgin tea and irreverent margaritas?

Always a bit more tart than sweet.

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Apr 7

Visionary

"I"m telling you, Google Glass is the best present we've had in a long, long time."

 
Jan 13

The Egg Timer

 

I used to have one of those ugly white mechanical egg timers. I had that thing for 25 years or more, and it worked.

It just worked.

It didn't matter how greasy it got.

It didn't matter how warped the plastic got from sitting on top of the oven, or how yellow it got from being in the sun.

I even threw it in a sinkful of water every once in a while, usually when the grease and dust combination got to be more than 1/4" thick. I'm nothing if not an immaculate housekeeper.

Oh hush up.

My Minute Minder egg timer ticked when it was on, and you could hear it ratcheting along, counting down the minutes. When it was finished, it would chime out a cheery and triumphant *DING*. Tick, tick, tick, tick, *DING*!

One ding only, Vasily, one ding only.

Then one day after an egg timer bath, it just stopped working. I dried it, I shook it, I pleaded with it to work. I waited days, thinking there was still water all up in its springs, keeping it from making its appointed ratchety rounds.

But it was dead. Irrevocably, irretrievably dead.

Hubby was dispatched to buy another, and he came back with an electronic gizmo that wasn't at all what I was expecting. The people at the store laughed at him when he said he wanted one just like we used to have.

"Sir, they haven't made those in years."

So they sold him an electronic egg timer. With instructions. And batteries.

The first thing that happened was the magnet on the back that was supposed to hold it to your stove, broke off. Half the time when you push the button to add a minute, it adds two, instead.

The battery died, and had to be replaced after about three months.

I never had to replace batteries on my ugly old white egg timer in all those 25 years. Springs are the thing!

The compact black electronic egg timer ticks silently and secretively away, and you don't know if it's working or not unless you turn on the kitchen light, and check the readout. When it's finished, it starts beeping at you. Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep. Over and over, slyly, insistently, then increasing in speed and volume until it finally changes to a shrill pitch demanding that you appear instantly and turn it the hell off!

Now, the stupid thing dutifully counts down to 0.... but then doesn't beep. It just starts counting upwards! Let it go on, and it will time the rest of your life, apparently.

Or until the batteries die again.

The joke's on you, sleek black egg timer that probably cost ten dollars. They do still make those old-style mechanical egg timers, and I know now where to buy one for about three bucks. It may not be a Minute Minder, but it will be a spring-wound ticker that will *DING* when it's finished.

One ding only, Vasily, one ding only.

You, sir Accu-Rite, with your silent secretive timing and your nastily expressed beep beep, beep beep, beep beep, are neither accurate, nor right for me, and you are soon going to be taking a nice warm bath soon, in a sink full of dishwater.

Let's see how you and your batteries survive that one.

 

Comments (1)

  • Jan-14 - KidmagnetThere is nothing worse than a timer ticking you off! BTW- may I have both of the old ones? I'd like to dismantle them. Ya know, see what makes or does not make, them tick!
Dec 22

Just Say No to NRA Lunacy

Kids at school should only have to worry about who's going to win the snowball fight, not who's going to win the firefight.

 
Dec 22

The Bully Pulpit

Get the net Hondo, this one's gone off the rails.

 
Dec 20

TOTD: Mind Control

The theme of the day was mind control. I bet you can't guess what I'm still het up about...

 
Dec 19

Clinging to Their Religion & Their Guns

I'm disgusted.

Why are gun proponents so anxious to concentrate on "mental health" as the problem to be tackled after massacres like Newtown? Because they know that "mental health" is one of those issues that they can take a few swipes at, and then defund when memories fade and money gets tight. They have no intention of improving medical care for the masses, they only want to find a way to publicly wring their hands, and say they tried.

These are the same people that don't want you to even have access to health care, much less mental health care - unless of course, you pay for it all yourowndamnself.

They blame mass shootings on lack of religion, on teaching evolution, on contraception, fer gawd's sake!

Man up, you cowards. Admit that if automatic and semi-automatic weapons, and large magazines, speed loaders and all the other accoutrements to killing weren't made at all, then whacked out assholes wouldn't be able to massacre theaters full of adults in July, and follow it up with classes of kindergartners in December.

Against gun control? Then you might as well admit that you're all for open hunting season on your friends and neighbors. Hell, let's just make it legal - we already make every excuse in the book for it, right?

 
Dec 16

Another One

Another one no one will do anything about.

 
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Serving irreverent virgins and margarita tea since 2002.
Or was that virgin tea and irreverent margaritas?

Always a bit more tart than sweet.

(Home)


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