Home on the Range(r)

This goddess is a loving, and benevolent deity. That's right, I said it.

I am also beautiful and perfect in every way. As part of my generous spirit, and because I haven't posted anything in a while, I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with you all.

I was flipping through my recipe cards and decided that hummingbird wings on toast points might not go over very well with you mortals, so I chose something a little less exotic.

The recipe is easy and it tastes yummy.

Now, if you suffer from nut allergies or coconut allergies or date allergies, fuggetaboutit. Do not try this.

If you are fully functional, then by all means go for it!

*****

DATE ROLLS or HOW I LEARNED TO USE MY BLENDER

Ingredients:

2 cups of dates

approximately a cup (or two handfuls) of almonds

shredded, unsweetened coconut (for rolling)

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Put the dates and the almonds in either a blender or food processor

Pulse until the date/almond mixture holds together when you squeeze it in your hand

Spoon the mixture into a bowl so you can work with it

Pinch off about a tablespoon's worth of the mixture, form into crescents with your hands (as opposed to your thighs)

Roll the crescents in the shredded coconut

Place on a plate or small pan lined with waxed paper, and place into the refrigerator until set (firm)

EAT

This recipe makes about 20 date nut rolls, depending on how much you pinch off

YOU'RE WELCOME

 

It wasn't as if this goddess actually NEEDED money as Zeus IS my daddy and all but...

$640 million in USD  would have made for some nice pocket change.

So I had one of my minions plunk down $1 for one of the tickets on my behalf as I would not DEIGN to lower my self to the level of lottery ticket purchasing. Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Many of you mortals are probably perplexed by my inability to win this lottery thing. I didn't want to stack the deck so-to-speak, you know being a goddess with powers.

I allowed the chips, again so-to-speak to fall where they might.

They fell into towns I'd never heard of before.

It happens. The comforting thing is, I only missed winning by six numbers! Gosh I was so close!!

I originally posted the following a looooong time ago (December 2006 to be exact) and was digging around in the archives when I came across it. There's a bit of backstory concerning the little plastic M&M guys that hold M&M mini candies and the fact that I thought the Mars company had made the guys look both cheap and like crackheads and crackhead hookers. I launched a small campaign to the company to get them to change the appearance of the guys.

And not to be vain...*cough*...but I think my campaign worked because the latest M&M guys no longer look so crackhead-like. They're still not as three dimensional as the original guys, but you take your victories where you can, right?

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ORIGINAL POST FROM 12/2006

At this point I have no idea how effective my campaign against crackhead and/or hooker M&M guys is or will be*, but if all else fails I figure I could make a dollar or two out of it. *I believe my campaign worked!

How so Ranger, you ask?

Well...

It's simple really. We have hooker M&M guys, and crackhead M&M guys (you see where I'm going? No?).  We place them in a gritty urban setting. Get some cameras and make some exploitation flicks!

Okay let's brainstorm:

There's the hooker M&M with a heart of chocolate trying to make it in a mean, mean world, fighting to retain as much of her filling as she can while raising her M&M minis all alone;

There's the hard-boiled detective M&M guy just tryin' to clean up the streets, struggling to keep the rival Ms from spilling anymore candy filling while keepin' it real with his hoMees in the 'hood;

There's his partner, an M guy straddling the class fence because he's an old school M&M and has to prove that he's willing to go the extra mile for the green-eyed M&M hooker who has melted in his mouth and not in his hand;

There's the corrupt District Attorney M&M guy who wants to get all the free M he can handle, so he makes a deal with the powerful pimp Big Daddy M who has an eye toward being Mayor;

There's the clash between the 'original' M&M guys who enjoy all the luxuries of life--hats that fit, large eyes with pupils, well proportioned bodies, realistic shoelaces, ARMS--and the 'new breeds' who are relegated to sub-standard living because they possess tiny green dots in their eyeballs, are short, have unrealistic shoelaces and have NO ARMS. This inequality fosters an obvious class system which engenders hatred between the 'have arms" and "have not arms" and the city becomes a simmering fondue pot that's about to boil over. 

The ineffective Mayor M whines his way through his administration with his eyes closed to the entire situation (okay maybe not ,since his eyes can't close)  pushing the already volatile situation to an imminent threat of  a lot of hard candy shells being broken.

The Mayor's Office is on the detective's back to choose sides. He refuses and tosses out the gem, "There is no us or them! There's only M!"

There'd be great movie titles too,  like: "Pink M Girls On The Street," " M Pimps In Front, M Hos In Back," "M! Where's My Money?!" "  "I Am Curious (Green)."

Then of course there's always music:

"Who's the private M that's a vending machine to all the chicks!? M! He's a bad mutha...SHUT YOUR GOB! Just talkin' bout M. And we can dig it!"

OR HOW ABOUT:

"My name is...my name is...my name is...Green M..eee!"

I feel an Oscar.

Or at least a Grammy.

****

Below are two original posts regarding the change in the M&M guys' appearance:

12/4/06

HOOKER M&MS

One of These Things Doesn't Belong

As part of my protest, I've decided to post this picture as a public service announcement.

Take a good look at that picture. If you'll notice, one of those little M&Ms just looks all wrong.

Can you guess which one?

I'll give you a hint: It isn't the one on the left, or the one on the right.

But then I guess the R&D guys at the Mars candy company were really thinking outside the box when that little M&M guy was created.

Yep, waaaaay outside the box.

Outside the box, outside the shelf, outside the room, outside the building, the city, the state, the country, continent, hemisphere, planet, galaxy, universe.

I mean they weren't even thinking anywhere close to Mt. Olympus.

So as a result of this creative idiocy, a hooker M&M has joined the ranks of M&M guys as you can see. Just what you want to see, right?

I mean if the crackhead M&Ms don't do it for ya, why not pony up and be 'John for a day' and get yourself a piece.........

of candy.

*sigh*

*****

12/3/06

M&M PROTEST NOW!!

YES THIS IS A REPEAT OF THE POST FROM 3/10/06!!!

 

 

Mayhem & Madness, Guys

This is the final sign that the world is about to shift off Her axis and hurl Herself into the sun.

Those who know me, know that I have a rather intense love of M&M Peanut candies. And I have a small collection of M&M Guys (the plastic mini M&M candy holders). I own 19 now but I don't suspect my collection will grow at anytime in the future because something weird is going on with the Guys.

If you've ever seen the M&M Guys, aside from their obvious M&M shaped body, they have arms and legs, with rounded, black bug-eyes, a Nike-type 'swish' for a mouth and "shoe strings" in their plastic shoes which are color coordinated to their bodies. On their heads are hats that relate to a particular holiday (although St. Patrick's and Groundhog Day don't have representation).

In the month of February, two 'holiday' Guys were issued: Easter and Valentine's Day. I went to my favorite store looking for the familiar Guy faces, but was stunned to discover that the Guys for Easter didn't look quite right.

Granted they wore their Easter Bunny hats at the expected jaunty angle, but the rest of them were all wrong. Very, very wrong. The first indication was the new bug-eyed look with GREEN EYES.  No Nike 'swish' mouth and *gasp* a GIRL M&M with pouty red lips and long eyelashes! No, it isn't Green as you would expect, but a bright hot pink! Blasphemy!!!

These M&M Guys had no arms so their hands just free-floated on their bodies (not to mention the fact that they weren't as dimensional either), no legs which meant their shoes were jam up against their bodies, AND they had THREE "shoe strings" as opposed to the conventional FIVE.

So I'm thinking the M&M people, in an effort to try something knew, re-designed the guys.

BAD MOVE PEOPLE. FIRE YOUR R&D RIGHT NOW.

The green eyes just don't do it. They look scary. Truly.

The new M&M Guys look like crack heads panicking because they can't find their pipe.

The point is, these M&M Guys looked like they were made on the addled, drug-induced cheap. Come on, Mr. M&M, you didn't expect anyone to NOTICE???

I think we should protest.